Cookie, You will always be my first cat.

I never talked about Cookie before have I? While I was writing a speech for my presentation test last week, and at that time, I started to recall back the last few moments of Cookie before we put him to sleep.

I know, it sounds heartless for putting a pet to sleep but we had no choice as Cookie was suffering from Leukemia and he had been suffering for years- we don't want him to suffer anymore seeing that his conditioned worsen after awhile. It was a bad sight, and I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I know, I was being mean to him.

I know, at that time, he needed me the most when he was oblivious to what was going to happen to him- maybe he knew. But  I couldn't look at him. I can't believe myself either but the trauma I got from the last cat we took to the vet; Simba, was too much that I couldn't bring myself to go through it again but I know I should have because... because Cookie was my cat, my very first cat... and I treated him badly towards his last few moments.

I know, I deserve to feel this guilt.
Cause I only shed a few tears, and never went for his burial. Yeah, I pretty much a heartless person after he was gone.

After almost 2 years after his departure, everything flooded back in when I was chatting with a friend a few days back when I talked about Cookie, everything just fell and I couldn't help but cry.

 Cookie!~ I miss you boy! I'm sorry for not being a good friend to you I know I should have. You're the best cat and I miss all your head-butts, you standing proud and strong on the kitchen cabinet, your warm gaze when you look at people and meows. I missed you so much! I love you still~ There's a picture of you still hanging in my room and I will never forget you. :')
Please, forgive me for not being with you at the vet when you breathed last... I'm sorry~
I love you always~
Wherever you are, hope you're hanging around with Simba and there rest of our family cats and all the cats that had passed our lives. Hope we'll meet again. Thanks for listening to all my babbling... thanks for being part of my life. You're my first cat and you'll never be replaced from that spot. :)
Love you~

Thanks AF for listening to me that day. Though what you're going through is much more painful than what I'm going through but well, whether its someone that we love or a pet that we love, its still painful when they're not here next to us. :)
Cause they had been close to us for years and then they left... what's not to feel but grief?
Stay strong, she will always be with you in your heart and I bet she knows you love her still. ;)

I'll stay strong too... though to people it might seem a little matter but to me it's something huge. Pets are like family no matter what.

~<3