Pomegranate in Malay is Delima~

I guess I am still indecisive as before... I guess I never really did change. Sigh, I am still stuck in the same dilemma; what do I want to do in life? I was so confident that after graduating from Mass Comm that if I choose to enter Creative Multimedia I would find my true calling. Probably it is too early to tell?

Animation sounds fun, but do I have the passion to do it like my brother does? Advertising sounds good though I always get a C when I was in Mass Comm and I'm not that bad at marketing either... I think. I like filming and I love directing, plus I have experience on set but I'm not too sure if it's the right choice. Sigh, delima dilemma. I really love photography, I really believe that this is the one thing that I really want to do but people say hobby stays as a hobby and find myself a career that can bring the food on the table. Sigh~

Haha~ somehow this reminds me of Tsubaki Hibino-chan from Kyo wa Hajimemasu manga...ahahaha~~ except that she's a hardworking girl and can get high grades whereas I'm just a hardworking person but not as good as her. Ehehe~ ^^;; Like me, she's not sure what she wants to pursue and what university she should go to.

I want to take the course that once I graduate and found a job, I will enjoy doing my work even though it would not be that easy. There will be bumpy roads and there will be times when I will just wish that I want to quit and find something else to do. But at the end of the hectic life, I want to always return to my job and start on another roller coaster ride.

I am aiming to have a career for 10 to 15 years before I decide to retire and work on my hobby fully and of course, Insya'Allah, spend time with my family. But I need to find something that I will love and work hard to achieve success. I need to find that passion on doing that something.

I can draw, design, write, take photographs... my good points would be that I can work in groups and when I'm given a task, I will do my absolute best to complete the task and make sure everything is perfect. I don't really call myself a perfectionist, I just love the feeling of satisfaction when things are done perfectly.

My brother recently offered to mentor me on animation and if I managed to gain the animation skill from him and if it is not too late, I might get a shot at the apprenticeship at his workplace this coming June. But am I passionate enough and is this what I want to do? I am still studying and I am just starting my 2nd semester of my foundation year and at this point of time, I don't feel content staying there. =/

I want to know what I am suppose to do but I don't know where to start and where to look for the thing that I'm suppose to do. I'm still looking for my passion in life. I believe photography is my passion but people say hobbies are hobbies and I should find a career. I want to make my hobby my career but it's going to be hard. Though, I am considering about being part of a magazine. It sounds interesting really. O.O!!

Maybe I should practice my English writing skills and also work on my designing skills. This is one choice. Hmm~ I should really think hard because this is my future and I don't want to waste my future doing something that I might regret later and I hope I won't be in that position.

So, I must work hard and find the thing that I can do and at the same time, the thing that I would not mind spending my time doing. Insya'Allah, I hope I will find it soon.

I need the right motivation to keep on going and I guess by writing this made me think a bit. Maybe I should not give up just yet and give it another try. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm having a hard time with Creative Multimedia... it's just that I have a slight discontent towards something there. I have met a lot of nice people and I found someone special there as well. I should not give up yet and fight my way through and show them that I am not backing down no matter what is thrown at me even though I was given a slightly unfair judgement.

Insya'Allah, I hope Allah SWT grant my doas and give me the strength to keep on going~

Motivation, Passion... come out, come out, wherever you are~~~~ ^^

Song of the moment - Yume Yume by One Ok Rock

Don't cry over spilled milk they say, but ranting makes one feel better~

Everything was fine and it had to turn sour and make matters worse. It does not harm anyone physically but it made oneself think, “I hate this.”

The desire to pursue what was started because of the thought and confidence that something else could be discovered at the end of the tunnel, turned murky and stinks at one point of the journey.

It does not make any sense at all as how things turned complicated. It is up to the point that by looking at it, all that one can feel is discontent no matter how decorated it is.

It is understood, mistakes were made; one which was not that serious as compared to others. But no, it had to be amplified and thus makes things complicated; unfair judgement? And why must it relate to something that is not supposed to be related at all? What does it got to do with the fault that was made? It does not make any sense at all!

Just wanted to rant out. =/

A Flower Bloom; Hopefully for Eternity~

Read PART ONE here~ ^^

"If I were to tell you that I like you, what would you do?"

I asked  him that questioned on the morning of the 27th of November 2011 and I closed down the tab as I was afraid on what he was going to say next. Many thoughts were running through my mind, 'What will he say? Will he accept? Will he reject? What will happen to us? Can we still be friends again? I am so dead~'

I prepared myself for the worst case scenario and that would be, he rejects me and he will ignore me for the rest of my years in MMU. Talk about reliving the past. >.< 

My hands were freezing cold and I felt like I had been running for miles as I was panting hard; catching my breath.

But the reply that I got was rather surprising. He asked me, “ 'Like' me as a friend or as the couple kind of way?”  I literally gawked at the sentences I read on the facebook chat that we were on. It was kind of funny at the same time too as I was expecting something else and plus, the question I asked before already took most of my strength and courage away and then to answer his question, I felt that I did not have enough strength and courage. But I answered him anyway. “The couple kind of way.”

And as soon as I answered him, it just took him a couple of moments to give me a reply and he said... “I don’t mind... I kind of like you anyway.”

My heart literally flipped! I never felt so relieved! I never felt so alive! His replies made me squeal like a little girl~ ^^ But getting that kind of reply was still not enough for me so I asked him the next bit of question to seal everything and hopefully make it official between us, “So, what happens now? Are we friends or more than friends?” and he replied, “We can couple...”

And we did and now, we’ve been going out for 2 months. ^////^

Now I call him by his name as he calls me by my name. Ikhwan is actually 2 years younger than me but whenever I’m with him, I always find myself feeling 2-3 years younger. Don’t get me wrong, I am still me but probably a little bit childish and spoiled. ^^

What can I say about Ikhwan? He is not prefect; nobody is, but he is perfect in my eyes. I never had anyone other than my family who cared so much for me to the extent of making sure that I do my work before anything else. Honestly, I never felt loved by someone other than my family.

Whenever we have problems, we would talk about it and try our best to come to the same understanding; to fix the problem that we were having. He is always there for me whenever I have problems about other people, whenever I’m stressed out, whenever I’m feeling sad, basically he is always there for me. He said that he only wants to see me happy so he will do whatever it takes to see me smile again. He is such a sweetheart that I don’t want to let go, if Allah’s SWT willing.

We do fight, I cried, he cried. We also got into trouble at the same time! We also laugh together and tease each other and at this point of time, being away from him aches silently within me. But that’s part of the challenge that we will face from now on. We can’t always be together but will try our best to make time for each other. We want to make this work and Insya’Allah until forever.

There’s so much to say about him but some things are hard to express. But I will try my best to share my journey with him and see what Allah SWT has in store for us in the future. J

Oh by the way...

Ikhwan sayang, Happy 2 month Anniversary~<3

Will this flower bloom?

Everything was one sided. I had feelings for guys and all of them have been one sided. One particular person have had me liking him for about 5 years but that too ended up being a one sided thing. Well, after analysing my so called love life towards that guy, I have finally conclude that I was 'obsessed' with that feeling. The me back then, why were you so.... never mind. I have learned my mistake and I shall not make the same mistake again . ^^

I have come across many guys in my life; a few of them caught my attention but like always, nothing happened. Sigh~ So I just keep on waiting and hoping that one day that maybe I will find that one guy that will bring happiness to my life-- if God is willing. :)

When I was eighteen, I told myself that  I will be single until I reach twenty. And my status had been like that until I reached twenty. And now that I am twenty, I told myself that I will be single until about twenty-two which in a way is not going to happen. ^^ 

Being in a new surrounding; its like a new beginning, a start of a new chapter in a new book, a new journey in a new box. Haha! I hoped for a new adventure, more surprises and probably a person to share my happiness with and with that, I found that person here in my new journey. :) 

When I first saw him, it was during drawing class. There he was, standing with his arms crossed looking at the lecturer. He had shoulder-length hair and of course, that drowsy look on his face like he did get enough sleep the night before. He then introduced himself. He goes by the name of Iwan and he is from the same town as me. *evilgrin* 

Honestly, I did not really pay attention to him then but being the curious person that I am, I kind of 'checked him out' from afar; head to toe, and then I noticed those chains dangling out of his jeans pocket.... Looked like anime figurines. O___O!! Holy shiz~ someone with the same interest... besides my roommate. Lol. But we didn't talk that day. I kind of pretty much checked him out through out the whole week I think.

Uhh... ok, I'm not sure what happened for the rest of the week... I think on that week's Friday, we kind of had a conversation but it was about a class group project. He asked me whether he can join my group but my group was already full so I had to put him down. So he got up and looked for other groups to join. I now regretted my actions because, after he left to look for other groups, my 2 of my original group members decided to form their own group and left me with 5 members. I literally panicked. 5 people per group is the minimum number of people we should have in our group and 7 is the maximum. I started to look around for someone familiar to drag into my group and the first person that comes to mind was Iwan. I looked for him and saw him standing at the far back of the room. I approached him with a hope that he still wants to join my group but luck was not on my side as he had joined the group that abandoned me the same day. Damn, what luck~ x'D So for that class, I only worked with 4 members in total but one decided to put up a disappearing act and never come to class until the semester ended. =/ Oh well, the 4 of us managed to do our work without the other member anyway. Lol~ 

Ok back to Iwan. ^^ 

The following week during drawing class, my classmate-slash-roommate saw that he was wearing a Death Note t-shirt. After the class, I simply asked about his shirt(?) or something like that and he was trying to deny it. So cute! But then I told him that we; my roommate and I, don't mind it at all and so he said shyly said that it is death note. ^^ 

Everything else falls into place after that day. I asked for his facebook account and later his phone number; given a reason that we're classmates and we should at least know each other. But I had other motives. I really want to get to know him. Lol~ But it's true. It's because we're classmates that we need to get to know each other. ^^ 

We talk about a lot of things; from anime to food to even the sensitive issues like... what kind of person do you like and how is your love life going. We talk about our likes and dislikes, friends and a bunch of other stuff. With all the talking and chatting on facebook, we got really close to that one point I don't mind hanging out with him, just the 2of us. ^^ 

That one particular night, we planned to take pictures of people playing sports and it turns out that there was a basketball tournament going on at the sports hall. So it was just me and my 2 other guy friends and him. We stayed at the hall for about half an hour or so and then we left-- actually,we planned to go and watch people dancing but then the 2 other boys left, leaving me alone with him. O.O||

Doki doki~~

Nothing happened. It was just the both of us, walking and talking about a lot of random stuff. But the main topic of the night was about the previous rejections that we had. Honestly, I can say that, even though I am still wounded from the treatment I received back in secondary school, I feel that Iwan suffered the worst as he was rejected more that he can handle. He was really hurt to the point that he's giving up on love entirely and will not look for anyone any more. It was sad to hear all of these things coming out of his mouth. ;___; But he brushed it off and we just talk about other things and I swear he was giving out some hints!! Lol~ 

But that night, even thought we only know each other for about 2 months, I felt that we've known each other for so long. ^////^

The feelings I have for him grew every day until today and it is still growing. As much as I wanted to wait for at least a year as my mum told me to wait; so that I can broaden my scope and hopefully there will be someone else that I will get interested in, but at that point of time, my mind was set that if I like someone, grab that person before we regret for waiting too long. So I took a dive and and asked him the hopeful yet fragile question; "What if I tell you right now that I like you? What will you do?"

Will be continuing in the next post. ^^

Just a little something from a friend. ^^

A Filipino friend of mine drew this for me. She got inspired when she saw a picture of me wearing a blonde wig. ^^ Oh and I do not have green eyes. Lol. It's just an added feature. :P