Assignments are piling up and I haven’t really started on any of it; especially journalism. But! I have a rough sketch of the layout so~ no need to worry. *Insert wide grin*
Omedetto to Su Wern for passing her driving test! Yes, now we all can drive like devils on the road. What devils?! I barely even drive around ever since college started!!! Anyway, yes! Congratulations to Su Wern for passing her driving test! See! I told you pink clouds would work! It’s better than imagining ‘them’ naked. Yeah, mum told me that when I had re-sit for my test. >///< Funny, mum. Lol~
One wish! I wished to go back in time and slap my 12-years old self and tell myself off that things are not pretty like how I used to imagine. I used to wish for that when I was in high school. The mistakes that I made that subsequently ruined a friendship that only lasted for a short while. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like he just snap and told me off... actually he somewhat did but it was more gentle and I know he didn’t mean any harm in doing so. We’re friends! We are still but separated as he’s down south in Malacca studying and I’m here studying my butt off to succeed in this line of work. I was too naive, back then. I thought whatever it is that I think of would eventually comes true and I will at last have a happy ending, more or less.
After years of dwelling with the feelings I had for him, I finally decided to close the book for one last time as I now know there is nothing to look forward to. It hurt badly back in October 2008, when I wrote a letter to him but never actually gave it to him. I was hoping after writing all the small memories I had during my crushed and burned and crushed again years, I could let him go without a slightest regret whatsoever. But it felt painful and I shed tears while I was writing the letter. However now, I’m not being a heartless person, but I managed to convince myself to actually unlock myself from the chains I was bound to in high school. I gladly accepted the fact I fell head over heels for someone at school and it never worked out as I wanted it to. Oh well, the pain you have to go through in life is unpredictable as always. Except in movies, you can actually predict what will happen in the end.
After SPM, I had a very long time to think about my life and where was I heading. Yes, I’m talking about myself so bare with it. Even when I’ve already entered college, I still think about my current situation and where I’m heading to and which detour should I take. Even in the term of feelings; why do I feel this way? What should I do about it? Am I really into it now? Or is it another obsession? Or do I just admire him? Strange how I put it that way. But seriously, which stage am I at now?
Certainly I’m not in love because ‘love’ itself is too big of a word to use. Is it like, crush or admire? Aren't those 3 words similar? Well, in my case, I say crush is somewhat near the borderline of obsession. Like is when you know that person and you’re really fond of them and want to be closer to them. Admire is when you look up to the person and you want to be just like them. Well, not really like them but somewhat like them.
So yeah, I realised after a while, I'm having too many people that I’m admiring. I know I have a huge crush on Torapon, but that’s different. You see, I have some complication in understand my own feelings. Isn’t everyone? Well yeah, but... never mind. I know right now I’m pretty much, slightly, maybe, might be... could be, in denial.
Ahem... so, what should I do? I don’t know. And I’ve been telling myself to focus on my studies when my mind only knows how to drift off to a different island and sits there day dreaming. I actually told a friend that I’m giving up on love and she went berserk! ^^; Only for a while my dear friend, not for life. XD
So, yeah, I’ve been meaning to share this post with people. But I’m not sure if people are reading this blog. Oh well. ^^*click the picture to enlarge*
Song of the day - Live Like We're Dying by Kris Allen
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