My Two Cents

Will this flower bloom?

2012-01-27T21:29:00.000+08:00

Everything was one sided. I had feelings for guys and all of them have been one sided. One particular person have had me liking him for about 5 years but that too ended up being a one sided thing. Well, after analysing my so called love life towards that guy, I have finally conclude that I was 'obsessed' with that feeling. The me back then, why were you so.... never mind. I have learned my mistake and I shall not make the same mistake again . ^^

I have come across many guys in my life; a few of them caught my attention but like always, nothing happened. Sigh~ So I just keep on waiting and hoping that one day that maybe I will find that one guy that will bring happiness to my life-- if God is willing. :)

When I was eighteen, I told myself that I will be single until I reach twenty. And my status had been like that until I reached twenty. And now that I am twenty, I told myself that I will be single until about twenty-two which in a way is not going to happen. ^^

Being in a new surrounding; its like a new beginning, a start of a new chapter in a new book, a new journey in a new box. Haha! I hoped for a new adventure, more surprises and probably a person to share my happiness with and with that, I found that person here in my new journey. :)

When I first saw him, it was during drawing class. There he was, standing with his arms crossed looking at the lecturer. He had shoulder-length hair and of course, that drowsy look on his face like he did get enough sleep the night before. He then introduced himself. He goes by the name of Iwan and he is from the same town as me. *evilgrin*

Honestly, I did not really pay attention to him then but being the curious person that I am, I kind of 'checked him out' from afar; head to toe, and then I noticed those chains dangling out of his jeans pocket.... Looked like anime figurines. O___O!! Holy shiz~ someone with the same interest... besides my roommate. Lol. But we didn't talk that day. I kind of pretty much checked him out through out the whole week I think.

Uhh... ok, I'm not sure what happened for the rest of the week... I think on that week's Friday, we kind of had a conversation but it was about a class group project. He asked me whether he can join my group but my group was already full so I had to put him down. So he got up and looked for other groups to join. I now regretted my actions because, after he left to look for other groups, my 2 of my original group members decided to form their own group and left me with 5 members. I literally panicked. 5 people per group is the minimum number of people we should have in our group and 7 is the maximum. I started to look around for someone familiar to drag into my group and the first person that comes to mind was Iwan. I looked for him and saw him standing at the far back of the room. I approached him with a hope that he still wants to join my group but luck was not on my side as he had joined the group that abandoned me the same day. Damn, what luck~ x'D So for that class, I only worked with 4 members in total but one decided to put up a disappearing act and never come to class until the semester ended. =/ Oh well, the 4 of us managed to do our work without the other member anyway. Lol~

Ok back to Iwan. ^^

The following week during drawing class, my classmate-slash-roommate saw that he was wearing a Death Note t-shirt. After the class, I simply asked about his shirt(?) or something like that and he was trying to deny it. So cute! But then I told him that we; my roommate and I, don't mind it at all and so he said shyly said that it is death note. ^^

Everything else falls into place after that day. I asked for his facebook account and later his phone number; given a reason that we're classmates and we should at least know each other. But I had other motives. I really want to get to know him. Lol~ But it's true. It's because we're classmates that we need to get to know each other. ^^

We talk about a lot of things; from anime to food to even the sensitive issues like... what kind of person do you like and how is your love life going. We talk about our likes and dislikes, friends and a bunch of other stuff. With all the talking and chatting on facebook, we got really close to that one point I don't mind hanging out with him, just the 2of us. ^^

That one particular night, we planned to take pictures of people playing sports and it turns out that there was a basketball tournament going on at the sports hall. So it was just me and my 2 other guy friends and him. We stayed at the hall for about half an hour or so and then we left-- actually,we planned to go and watch people dancing but then the 2 other boys left, leaving me alone with him. O.O||

Doki doki~~

Nothing happened. It was just the both of us, walking and talking about a lot of random stuff. But the main topic of the night was about the previous rejections that we had. Honestly, I can say that, even though I am still wounded from the treatment I received back in secondary school, I feel that Iwan suffered the worst as he was rejected more that he can handle. He was really hurt to the point that he's giving up on love entirely and will not look for anyone any more. It was sad to hear all of these things coming out of his mouth. ;___; But he brushed it off and we just talk about other things and I swear he was giving out some hints!! Lol~

But that night, even thought we only know each other for about 2 months, I felt that we've known each other for so long. ^////^

The feelings I have for him grew every day until today and it is still growing. As much as I wanted to wait for at least a year as my mum told me to wait; so that I can broaden my scope and hopefully there will be someone else that I will get interested in, but at that point of time, my mind was set that if I like someone, grab that person before we regret for waiting too long. So I took a dive and and asked him the hopeful yet fragile question; "What if I tell you right now that I like you? What will you do?"

Will be continuing in the next post. ^^

Just a little something from a friend. ^^

2012-01-24T02:13:00.000+08:00

A Filipino friend of mine drew this for me. She got inspired when she saw a picture of me wearing a blonde wig. ^^ Oh and I do not have green eyes. Lol. It's just an added feature. :P

Starting the engine after a few months...

2012-01-22T19:10:00.010+08:00

Yo~ Seems like this blog has been hibernating for months now; ever since I entered university and living on campus. Haha~ I told myself that I would at least update this blog once in a while when I'm on campus but I fail to do so... again. Yeah, yeah, I'm lazy that way. But now, I'm back! I don't know for how long but I'm back! :D

So far life in MMU is good. I'm currently pursuing a dream of becoming an animator or a designer; I'm currently taking Foundation in Creative Multimedia in the Faculty of Creative Multimedia. Now I'm on a break for 2 weeks plus before I sit for my exams and the after the exam I shall continue on with my semester break. ^^

Before I forget... HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR to all my friends and to all those who are celebrating this new year~ ^^ May all of you receive more good fortune and prosperity. :D

Another thing... HAPPY 21 to my dear,dear friend Su Wern! I hope you're enjoying your day today and may God bless you always dear~ :)

Gosh, I miss my DMC friends so badly. :'(

I have loads of things to talk about but I seriously don't know where to begin. O.O||

I think I should start writing about that someone..... in another post. :P

Oh College Life~

2011-10-06T23:31:00.035+08:00

Back in May 2009, I felt like an alien in the world of college... actually, I felt like an alien in April 2009 when I first entered college; I attended English classes for a month to polish up my English. And during that one month, I met a lot of people especially the people who I have spent 2 1/3 years with during my Diploma course; Su Wern, Ivan, Cecilia, Jia Xin and Wei Ling. :D

But as the days fly by, I was no longer an alien to that world.

In May 2009, college life began and in October 2011, college life has finally coming to an end.

Tomorrow is graduation day. Though I have not been to college since I finished my internship; except for a few errands that needed to be done, all the emotions of knowing that you are going to end your college life and thus moving on with your new university life are piling up and yeah, at the moment I'm not all smiles about it.

Is it because I'm not there with my DMC classmates and lecturers anymore from now on as I'm going off to a different place to further my studies? Most definitely. I miss them badly now. D:

Can I cry later? Because I feel like I will.... See you all there and hope everything will go on smoothly. :)

Song of the day - C.h.a.o.s.m.y.t.h by ONE OK ROCK

*I'm avoiding that Graduation song by Vitamin C~ will listen it tomorrow. xD

Fluffy Brothers

2011-10-06T01:20:00.000+08:00

Chubby Kechik & Chubby || Little Brother & Big Brother

Adding more songs to my playlist

2011-10-05T03:13:00.000+08:00

Yes! More songs!

Today; 5th of October 2011... 2 awesome bands releases their new albums.

the GazettE, after almost 2 years (give and take) without a new studio album release finally releases a new album entitled TOXIC!

Today as well, ONE OK ROCK releases the 5th studio album! ZANKYO REFERENCE!

*looks down at my phone*
I don't think I can fit all my songs in there anymore. Seems like 8GB is not enough. (O.O)||

ONE OK ROCK

2011-10-04T19:34:00.215+08:00

For the past month I spent some of my time getting to know this new band that I stumble upon by curiosity. I was watching... if I'm not mistaken, I was browsing around Youtube watching ROOKiEZ is PUNK'D. Or was is SPYAIR? Well, the connection is there through Youtube.

*thinks for a minute*

Probably the connection is this way: I was checking my twitter and I saw ROOKiEZ stuff retweeting about SPYAIR, so I went and checked out their songs. From their single [Beautiful Days], I jumped to another few videos and then I saw this name; ONE OK ROCK - [Answer is Near]. My thoughts at that time were some thing like this, "One Ok Rock... Ok ke?" Basically translate to, 'One Ok Rock, are their songs ok as how their name seems to claim?' and so... see answer below.

*clicks link*

*Jaw dropped/Eyes opened/Ears exploding/Body Numbed*

-song finishes-

"Wow~"

*clicks another ONE OK ROCK link*

ONE OK ROCK... I present to you!

From left: TOMOYA (Dr), RYOTA (Bs), TORU (Gt/Vo), TAKA (Main Vo)

From [Answer is Near] to [Liar] to [Jibun Rock] to [Not Scared] to [Kanzen Kankaku Dreamer] to [Keep it Real] to [Re:make] to [Et Cetera] to [Yume Yume]... I like the band more and more. So after not so much deliberation, I open up my sources and start getting to know them deeper.

Here's their history... cut short.

The band was active since 2005.

Toru~ a high school student then and was also originally from a hip hop group called Heads wanted to create a band so he asked Ryota who was also from Heads to join and asked him to ask Alex to join in as well. Toru... this fella is persistent. The 3 of them attended a underground band gig and there was where they got to know Taka who was the vocals for a cover band. I say Toru is persistent because when he heard Taka's voice he instantly decided that Taka will be the vocalist of his band. From an interview by JaME World, Taka -when asked about how he decided to join the band- he said that Toru went as far as going to his part time job to ask Taka to sing for his band. Well, Taka gave in at the end. Haha!

Tomoya joined the band in 2007 when the band debuted. He has been playing for the band in every album before so its kind of go figure kind of thing that he joined the band. Glad he did, I see him as the crazy one in the band. Then again, they all act crazy~ *see their blog posts* Haha~!

So how does the name ON OK ROCK came by? Simple, during the time before they performed their first show, the always practiced at 1 o'clock at night on weekends because they were still in school at that time. So, since they wanted to perform they need a name for their band so they took the name One O'clock as their band's name.

Still don't get it... ONE OK ROCK... One O'clock?

Heeee~ In Japanese language, there's no distinction between the letter 'L' and the letter 'R'. So they decided to change the 'L' in the o'clock to o'crock which sounds like O'krock which then turned into ONE OK ROCK. Get the picture? :D

Say it with me!! OneOkuRocku! (Yeah, you can hear the One O'clock in there)

Alexander Onizawa

ONE OK ROCK was a five (5) piece band before and now they're down to four (4). The former member name is Alex. Lets see if I can get a nice picture of him...

<...not sure how old he was in this picture

What happened to him? 2008! He was involved in case where he's drunk-slash-grope a female prep school student. Right. It might be serious to them but... seriously? O.O

But it has happened so nothing can be done about the past. The matter has been resolved peacefully but he still left the band. Though I'm not sure whether it was on his own accord or the management company's decision. He was one of the first members of the band... I bet he is a good friend of Toru and Ryota~ *sadface*

His current is status: Unknown. Hope he's doing well~

So, what else should I talk about these guys? Taka was a part of the group NEWS when he was young but he decided to drop that because he wanted to concentrate on his studies; among the reason he gave actually. His parents are singers so, I guess we all know where he gets that natural talent of his. He is awesome during lives too! He never really listened to rock before he joined the band... but now, look at him! <3 He can sing sweet melody songs too like... [Wherever You Are] or [My Sweet Baby]. Oh and, he has a very good English pronunciation! But back in 2008, also from JaME World interview, Taka said that he's not good at English but he's learning; how to pronounce words properly, the meanings etc. That was like 3 years ago! [Not Scared] is fully English! A lot of their songs contains a lot of English too~

Oh yeah! Why do I like these guys? Before I knew these guys were adorable-dorks which at times can be very hot and sometimes cute too... I fell heads over heels with their music. The song sounds meaningful somehow. The music struck me like a lightning. That voice of Taka's sounds unique (Toru, I fully understand why you chose Taka)... the more I listen to their songs, the more I read the lyrics, the more I love them to bits!

Only recently I look at them properly. I find Taka very crazy-cute. Tomoya and Ryota adorable-dorks. And Toru very attractive... and he can be equally crazy as the rest of the band. Heeeeeee~ <3

Tomorrow is their 5th Album release! ZANKYO REFERENCE~ Congratulations to ONE OK ROCK! They're growing... really fast.
*checks info about the album*
Their new album was also overseen by Ted Jensen who is a Master Engineering at Sterling Sound in New York. This is EPIC COOLNESS!
I sure hope their new album comes out well. I have already heard their Promo Song [C.h.a.o.s.m.y.t.h] and it sounds promising. *dash out to scream "EPICNESS!"*
Please, please, please, I hope it will be released here in Malaysia~ Because I want to buy it and help it get up the charts and get the top spots! Get back awesome music back in Japan!

So yeah, ONE OK ROCK; one of my new favourite band. \(^0^)/

A picture of them! All 5 members! <3

Song of the day - Not Scared

*SPYAIR is another great band! I shall dig into them soon. :)

ROOKiEZ is PUNK'D

2011-10-01T01:42:00.001+08:00

The title says it all! :D
I wrote about them once here.
So, in this post I want to show their picture to you guys... whoever is reading lah. Haha!

From left: 2Rash, U, Shinnosuke

Nice guys. If you catch them at the right time on twitter... especially 2Rash and U-chan, they will reply to your tweet. Like how they replied to my tweets back in August. Ahh... sweet memories~ Though, I don't think Shinnosuke has a twitter, maybe he does just that I couldn't find it. Haha!

Music wise, I say its likable. If you like Punk Rock plus J-music, then they're a must try. :)
Recommendation would be... In My World, Complication, Bump on da style and Song for.

I miss writing!

2011-10-01T01:27:00.000+08:00

There are many, many things I want to write about. But I keep on stopping myself to do so. That's not good.
From little things to big things, I feel like I want to write about them but the thought of, "Will people actually read that sort of thing?" or "My blog ain't famous, so why should I write anything." even "What if someone out of boredom come over to my blog and read this topic. What if THAT person reads this topic? Am I doomed?"

Sigh. Why am I doing this to myself.

Well whatever, I should start updating my blog regularly since I will be off to experience "Campus Life" soon. :)
Before that starts, I will try my very best to post stuff on my blog. And when I'm used to updating my blog, I will continue on updating it throughout my life in Campus. :D

Before I log off....

I made a flickr account a few days back, and I was able to log into it a few times, and also upload a few albums. But now... I cannot log into it!!!!!!!!!!!! D'8

Song of the day - Yume Yume by ONE OK ROCK
*new favourite band~!*

Picture spam #10

2011-09-12T03:02:00.000+08:00

Taken @Zoo Negara

Guess who~ ^^

Picture spam #9

2011-09-11T15:05:00.001+08:00

taken @Zoo Negara

*edited to black & while~

Love how it turned out after editing it!! <3

Picture spam #8

2011-09-10T04:34:00.000+08:00

Mommy eating, baby sleeping. :)

Taken @Zoo Negara Malaysia

Picture spam #7

2011-09-10T03:46:00.000+08:00

Cooling off~

Picture spam #6

2011-09-10T02:20:00.001+08:00

Taken at Zoo Negara Malaysia (7/9/2011)

Lens 75-300/ 1:4-5.6

ISO 1600

f/ 5.6

t 1/320 secs

Colour Temp 5200

*used a custom picture style

Happy Eid Mubarak!

2011-08-30T03:08:00.000+08:00

Happy Eid Mubarak to all Muslims!

Picture spam #5

2011-08-30T03:06:00.000+08:00

'Triple' chocolate chip cookies for Eid ul-Fitr! :)

Picture spam #4

2011-08-29T07:56:00.000+08:00

My college friends! Ah~ I miss these guys~~

*Taken during our final big college event during our 6th semester. And~ our event was featured on 8TV Quickie. Old story but still, a history. ;)

Picture spam #3

2011-08-29T07:50:00.000+08:00

Here's Khecik's big brother... Chubby. The overly spoiled cat~ Haha!

Picture spam #2

2011-08-29T07:46:00.000+08:00

Here's a cat portrait of one the cats living in my house. I posted about him a long time ago but at that time he was still small. So, the name Khecik (the actual word is Kecik which means, small, chico, chibi) was suitable for him then. It is still his name however, though he has grown into a big cat now~ There's a reason behind the name given to him;

He looks like his brother.

Yup~ (^_^)v

Picture spam #1

2011-08-29T07:36:00.000+08:00

A little something something my mum made for my little brother during the time his school (my old school) was organising a fare. This cupcake (one of many) was used to promote his class activity. (^.^)

Lets just drive~

2011-08-28T08:23:00.000+08:00

Yo!

On the last post I promised that I’ll write about Matsushita Yuya ne? Alright, here it goes~

Yuya finally released his 9^th single [SUPER DRIVE] on the 24^th August and the coupling songs for the single includes ‘Hot Girl!!’, ‘Lonely Rain’ and a cover song of ‘Rock with You’ which was famously done by the late Michael Jackson.

The single’s song, Super Drive, was released a few weeks earlier than it was initially planned and so, the fans of this singer-actor were finally able to get a bite out of the single. Sure, I got a taste of it too.

My first impression of the song when I first heard was; Womanizer. No, that’s not how I would describe the song but it was the beat, rhythm, tune, melody (whatever you may call it) of the song. I was taken aback by the song as it was not the usual type of song Yuya would do. Sure he did Foolish Foolish which sounded like So Sick by Ne-yo, but it was not that bad as the lyrics meant something. But for Super Drive, I laughed to tears in dismay.

It is a fact that it’s different from what he usually does in his work, and it might get him somewhere up the leader of success, but I don’t like it because it reminds me of someone I don’t like listening to. It doesn’t challenge his vocal range and too many repetitive words. Yeah, yeah, it’s danceable and groovy, but the deep meaning of the song is nowhere to be found. Compared to the song I’m Sexy, I’d prefer I’m Sexy… because it’s catchy, weird, funny but enjoyable at the same time. Haha!

Usually his songs take a short time to get attached too but Super Drive took a long time to get along with. Sure, after awhile you’ll get used to it and instead of remembering other songs you only listen to his song—that’s what happened to me—but at the end of it all, it’s still the least favourite song for me. I hope they’ll think twice before doing songs like this again… Yuya can do better than this. Something like Secret Love or Agitation… great songs really!

Thanks to the PV, I liked the song just a little bit more. As quoted from the U_staff, “the most danceable song in Yuya’s history.” And here I just want to make one thing clear; Yuya is influenced by the late King of Pop… nothing else. J

The song Hot Girl!! On the other hand is more to a summer time kind of song. *Checks lyric*… yup, it’s a summer time theme as the first thing Yuya sings is, “Summer time!” We can put 4 Seasons in the same category of this song. This song is written by the man himself and to me, it sounds cheeky, fun and on the ears. You could also feel the tropical feeling from listening to it… or maybe it’s just me. (^.^) Nonetheless, this song can bring a smile upon your face as you feel the invisible summer sun and breeze~ (*^_^*)

So, the other coupling song in the single is called ‘Lonely Rain’. This, this song can pierce through a heart with ease… at least for me, and some other big odd numbers of Yuya’s fans whenever they listened to the song. The music is beautifully done as you can clearly listen to the overwhelming sadness evident in the song. As Yuya starts to sing the song, the emotion that poured into the song by that man came flowing out and you could say… how lonely it feels. This is my favourite song from the album, and this is the voice that I fell in love with. To fully understand the voice and melody, one must sit still and listen, and I did which in the end, brought tears to my eyes.

The PV didn’t do justice though. It did, at the beginning, but Yuya kept glancing at the camera, which made me and my twin Sam loose the connection and feeling towards the song. I would have cried to the video if it’s just Yuya (which was already is on the PV), just sticking to the walking on the beach all alone and lonely. Get rid of the make-up and try on a 2 sleepless night kind of eyes (he looked tired), or bloodshot eyes would be nice and to top it all off, a crying Yuya at the end; just a tear or two would break a girls heart or at least get an “awww~~” reaction from the girls. Yuya is great at acting, I believe that so because I cried when I watched a snippet of Yuya acting as Ren in Asu no Hikari wo Tsukame 2. That scene showed Ren finding his girlfriend lying motionless on the ground and as he tries to wake her up he realised that she had bled to death which resulted to Ren screaming in agony.

When I was explaining how Yuya should look like in the Lonely Rain PV and when I was describing the scene, I was listening to Lonely Rain and I felt my chest squeezed tightly and something stuck in my throat… I felt like crying. (;___;)

*wipe tears* Ok now, I should continue on with the next song.

The last song in the single is none other than the Rock with You cover. The original was perfectly done so my expectation is high.

I was actually scared that Yuya might not have done the song justice that it deserves after listening to the single’s main song… but my twin Sam told me not to worry as she had went to his live and watched him performed the song. So, my worries lessen but soon disappeared after I listened to the whole song itself. He did the song justice! Though there are a few mispronunciations here and there, but that does not matter. It’s actually good! This is the 2^nd full English song that he made official in his discography (the other is Foolish Foolish Remix English version) and I’d day, I hope he does more English songs. All he needs to have is a very nice song to sing and someone to help him with the pronunciations with certain words because he actually got good English slang for someone like him. (^___^)

So, that’s my two cent on the single. Not a total win but it’s a good listen. J

Winning song : Lonely Rain

It felt like a great day

2011-08-25T00:59:00.002+08:00

Yo! Nyan desu~ ^^
Watashi wa... shiawasedesu!

Ok, I don't know if that was the correct way to put it in Japanese, but 'shiawase'... happy; yes I was. (^_^)
First of, after having my sahur (meal time early in the morning before Muslims proceed to fasting for the day), I checked my twitter and I saw an interesting tweet saying that a legendary rock band from Japan might have a concert in Malaysia!

Is it true? I'm not sure. I'm currently waiting for a confirmation.
Are you going? YES I AM!

\(^o^)/

Yesterday itself as well, my new favourite band and my favourite singer released their new singles!! Oh and an album. ROOKiEZ is PUNK'D released their 4th single [IN MY WORLD] and their first album DRRROOKiEZ!!~ROOKiEZ is PUNK'D respect for DRRR!!~ Whereas Yuya released his 9th single [SUPER DRIVE]

Yosh, ROOKiEZ is PUNK'Ds [IN MY WORLD], is also used for the second opening song of the anime Aoi no Exorcist (by the way, check out the anime... its awesome!) and when they first aired the 2nd OP I was already trying to figure out the band's name because I recognise the vocals. Yet, I cannot tell who it was until I saw the name... ROOKiEZ is PUNK'D! I had already listened to them last year,ever since their song COMPLICATION was used for the 2nd of Durarara!!, but I stopped there and only a month ago I started to listen to them again. Their 2nd single is called [Eggmate of the Year]... strange title, but I like the funkiness of the song, thus its one of my favourite song from them... not the most attractive PV though. Haha! Their 3rd single [Song For...] is used for the 26th ED of the anime BLEACH.

So, IN MY WORLD, a great single! The song itself is likable as I already started craving for the full version ever since I listened to the TV-short version. Personally, I like the vocals. (^.^) Their coupling song... DxHxCxT (I haven't found out what it means yet) is equally as likable of their single song. Its actually fun listening to DxHxCxT because, it has this hyped fun beat to it. Something like BUMP ON da STYLE (a coupling of COMPLICATION) or the song [Eggmate of the Year].

As for the album, I have not listened to it yet but I finally listened to the snippets of it and it sounds promising. I'm dying to listen to the song [Stand Up] which is part of the album. Its slower song compared to the ones they've done before and the song sounds really easy on the ears. (^__^)

ROOKiEZ is PUNK'D consists of SHiNNOSUKE on vocals & guitar, 2Rash on bass and U on drums. Ah, I'm supposed to call him U-chan~ (^__^) My new favourite band; my new favourite boys. I really hope they can create more great music because I really love what they've done so far! \(^0^)/
ROOKiEZ is PUNK'D daisuki desu! <3

So here's a story that happened to me regarding two of the boys from the band. A couple of days back, I watched their live show on Nico Nico Douga. I really had a great time watching them so tweeted to the band's official twitter, 2Rash's twitter and U-chan's twitter, telling them that I watched them on Nico Nico and let them know that they have a fan in Malaysia. (^.^) I usually tweet without expecting a reply from them but a few days later, 2Rash replied my tweet. My reaction was simply (O____O). It was uncalled for! I was over the moon and sitting on it because of one simple tweet like that! He said that he was glad that I enjoyed the live and they would love to do another Nico Nico program, and so I replied back also hoping that they'll have more Nico Nico live. =) After that tweet, I tweet to the 3 of them again to congratulate them on their single release and left twitter to break my fast.

-an hour later-

U-chan replied my tweet.

My brain got fried while still sitting on the moon. I was and still am, really happy! Nope, still can't get over it! Haha! He introduced himself as U-chan and thanked me for the wish and so, I replied him back introducing myself, where I'm from and it's nice to get to know him too. And then another reply came from him. Heeeeeeeee~<3
We exchanged a few tweets after that. It was funny and definitely cute; the questions he asked. But I figured he's not that good at English, and I'm a total noob in Japanese, thus our vocabulary is limited.
Aggggggrhhh! I feel so guilty for that. (=.=) Gomen ne U-chan, for troubling you like that.
A farewell with a Goodnight wish, our tweeting session ended. My heart melted when he said Goodnight. (>///<)
Ah shush! Let me dream a bit~ Haha!
Honestly, it felt strange calling him U-chan when I could just called him U, but for some reason, I felt the fondness, even for a short while. (^__^) I really hope we can tweet each other again in the future and hopefully by then I can converse in Japanese, even its just a little. :)

I will update on Yuya on the next post. I need to catch some sleep now so.... Oyasumi!
*Should I post up screen shots of the tweets?

Song of the day, BUMP ON da STYLE by ROOKiEZ is PUNK'D

I LIVE!!! :D

2011-06-27T00:57:00.001+08:00

It is now 0036 hours and I'm supposed to go to work in less than 6 hours. :)
Hello y'll! It has been 'awhile'. Not that I've been busy or anything; just the usual laziness that often overwhelms me most of my time and I agree to whoever says that I should get rid of my super laziness. Who shouldn't right? :)

I don't really have much time now because I really need to get some rest since I need to be at the office before 6.30 AM today. Oh yeah, I working now! Well, technically I'm doing my practical now. :) And the things I do is mostly TV related and the topics I handle are Islamic related. I'm glad this arrangement happened since I know this is good for me. :D

Just a quick update here:
1. Matsushita Yuya Facebook fanpage sent another present to Yuya this year!
2. I am Graduating in less than 3 weeks!
3. DAVID ARCHULETA IS COMING TO KL! (Oh yeah! Already bought the tickets!)
4. I took pictures of the Lunar Eclipse a couple of weeks back. :)

the almost blood-red moon

So, that's it for now. :) Will update more info in my next post Insyaallah~

Song of the day - Love Story wa Totsuzen ni (Matsushita Yuya version)

The Scary Auntie

2011-02-12T21:21:00.000+08:00

Presenting, the Scary Auntie!
Her name is Fifi. Though that would be a lie. She has multiple names but that would be a drag to actually list them all here. Fifi comes from the word Fluffy, so why not work on that and figure out on the names we tend to call her. :D
One of those name would be "Po-po" ^^

She's actually a stray cat that lives behind my house. We would give her food sometimes but now it's like the most normal thing to do everyday. She is a stray cat, but I guess we pampered her too much and that she starts to think that she's a house cat. Yup, she has a collar too. Though, she refuse to sleep with our house cats. =S

So... meet Fifi, the scary auntie who is a stray cat-cum-house cat. xD

Time to use the shooting star in the pocket.

2011-02-09T02:00:00.000+08:00

Pictures worth a thousand words.

The posts before this are meant to be short in words but long and story-like with pictures. :D

The one week Chinese New Year holiday has ended and so begins the increasing in numbers of workload. Its not that I'm complaining, its just that I need to remind myself that this time around I HAVE to be EXTRA serious and achieve the not-so-impossible dream of getting a spot on the Dean's List. Yosh! Gambarimasu!

I took this picture while I was in JB visiting my relatives. Ever since we reached there, the day was cool grey and the earth is wet from the showering rain. And that kind of day continued on for a few days until the day we made our journey back home.

Currently patiently waiting for opportunities to go out and take pictures. xD

Song of the day - Secret Love by Matsushita Yuya

Hearts Yuya~

2011-02-08T21:38:00.000+08:00

I was playing with the camera's slow shutter and this is what I got. :)

It works!

(^.^)

Monochrome Night with Dear Friends

2011-02-08T21:29:00.000+08:00

Steam Boat night at Michelle's house before Chinese New Year~ :D

Kick em' Shrimps!

2011-02-08T21:04:00.000+08:00

Kicking Shrimps

Sometime we ate at Tony Romas~
Darn, now I'm hungry~

Happy 21st Birthday Su Wern!

2011-02-08T20:56:00.000+08:00

On the 22nd of January 2011, Michelle, Adrian, Ivan, Carlyn, Christy, Keat Tong, Kok Han and I celebrated Su Wern's birthday at Tony Romas~ ;D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SU WERN!!!

~~late post. Gomenasai!~~

It's a promise

2011-02-08T20:26:00.000+08:00

A picture worth a thousand memories; in the past, present and future~

My brother got engaged to his high school sweetheart earlier this year. The ceremony went well and now, onwards to the wedding! Preparations must be made so things will go smoothly. ;)

Congratulations to my brother and my future sister in law! :D

Paradise

2011-02-03T05:02:00.000+08:00

On the second of the second month of the year two thousand eleven, Matsushita Yuya released his 7th single 'PARADISE'. The song 'Paradise' is also used as the theme song for his maiden drama 'Quartet' where Yuya played the character Takeru who is one of the main characters.

I'm not good at doing reviews but I'll tell ya what I think about the songs.

Though the single is released in 4 different packaging, which each of the 4 have their own specialty contained inside. To sum up all the songs that are released from this single, there are actually 4 songs.
. Paradise
. Loving Loved
. Secret Love
. Kimi no Koe

Paradise's PV was released quite awhile back and many fans have listened to it. In addition, the PV is also shown on the credit roll for Quartet. The song was a keeper when I first listened to it. The beat is more upbeat compared to the last single; Bird and the song is also more relaxing compared to the hyperactive song 4 Seasons. This song is nice to dance to and it's okay to repeat the song as many times as you want. :D

Loving Loved, a song written by Yuya himself. Its probably me, but this song captured my heart instantly. The melody is just right to sway one's feeling, and with his voice matured over time; comparing to the time he sang Foolish Foolish and Negai ga Kanau Nara; he has managed to capture the deep feelings that are meant to be captured.

Secret Love, also featuring BRIGHT & SHUN; the most upbeat song in the single and if falls under the same category as the single YOU (pursue and capture). I would say this song sounds sexy and hot; so an image of dancing club is now currently playing in my head is appropriate I would say? Though to be honest, this song didn't really appeal to me on the first listen but after awhile (after playing all 4 songs over and over again for the past 8 hours) the song finally got to me. I have to admit it, it's really catchy.

Kimi no Koe (Your Voice), I first heard the song from Sony Music Japan website. Though it was only 43 seconds long, it was nice listening to it. When I got the full song, this song was overall, okay. It's not that heavy nor to light, it's somewhat average I would say. This song also have the Pursue and Capture feel. ^^

Overall the single is pretty much solid. Yuya never released a single with 4 songs before so this single is pretty much a treat to the fans. Paradise is relaxing, Loving Loved is Love, Secret love is hot and sexy and Kimi no Koe is just simply likable. For fans, this single is worth it, so why not purchase it? :D

Now, in the facebook fan page, the fan page has put up a poll to decide on what kind of present they would be making this year for Yuya's 21st Birthday. So, if you're a fan and want to join the project, click HERE and you'll be directed to the fan page note on the Birthday Project. ;) While you're there, support Yuya by joining the page! We might not be the official fan page, but we try our best to inform you guys on the latest news on Yuya. :D

How is he doing in QUARTET? Let's just say that Yuya; the innocent boy we though he is, is not that innocent in the drama. O__O You can really see the change of character from the nice guy he is in real life (more like what we see in pictures of him being a dork and at times being adorably cute... he's such a teddy bear)... to the Jackal-and-Hyde-man who prowls around the city looking for drugs to destroy them. Though, the drama need to work on the fake blood, because it looks really fake and, sound effects do adds up to the intensity of the drama but... I shall not comment any further. The fighting scenes look really real hands down!

Yuya will be releasing his first ever Artist Book later in the year. I'm not so sure where because I think they've changed the release date. But it should somewhere this year or maybe in March. :)

Song of the Day - Loving Loved by Matsushita Yuya

I like the sound of the snapping shutter of my camera

2011-01-31T20:07:00.000+08:00

It has come to this; the final day of the month of January; the day I finally decided to update my blog after a long, long, long time. It's a lie that I haven't been to my blog; I have. Is just that; I just visit but hardly made any effort to log in and update. I'm planning on updating the things that happened through out the time I've been missing, but my pictures are in my hard drive and I'm currently away from home. I will update on those pictures I promise! :D

Taking pictures is fun. Once you know how to use the basic functions of the camera and manage to balance out the white balance, it's really satisfying when taking pictures. AUTO is good, but manual is better! (when it comes to operating the camera that is) Now all I need to learn about is, whatever it is I need to know after learning the basics. I heard that my next class should be about lighting. I can't wait! But reading photography books does add to the knowledge on photography. :)

I once wondered, when did my interest in photography started? Now that I think about it, my hobby in photography began when I was 10 years old. At that time, I had those bulky looking camera that uses film. It was small, and can be considered better than other cameras in it's range because a that time, the camera can zoom, it has digital indicators; like SLR. Haha! I was only ten!

Back then I only snap pictures without considering the danger of getting pictures under or over exposure. I just simply press the button and there's a picture on the negative. Once, back in school, I opened the camera to check the negative. I know I shouldn't but I did. I was careful to not open it in brought daylight; so I went to the store room at school and opened the camera. (I was in school at that time) xD But still, some photo damaged. My bad.

By the time I reached form 1, my camera was considered out dated. Why not. At that time people/ friends around me had started using the compact digital camera with SD cards. I was using a bulky camera with film. They got to take loads of pictures, I got to take 36 pictures at most. Was I jealous, I definitely was. xD

But I just kept on using the film camera, even though people say that the camera is so bulky and outdated. But after a year if I have to guess, my dad bought a digital camera! At that time, film was just too expensive to buy and too expensive to process. I still have 1 unprocessed film somewhere in storage. So, we just use that small digital camera. ^^

At that time, I still don't know how to use the camera properly. Even when I had the chance to use the SLR my dad owned, I still don't know how to use it. I just simple snap, snap and snap. Then my hobby in photography just died quietly. Even when my cousin said that he has a new toy that I would love to look at, I,at that time was not interested in photography anymore. I was a kid, a kid tends to loose interest in stuff fast. x'D

But then, when I joined college, a sudden interest in taking candid pictures just emerged. I made friends with the digital camera and take loads of pictures with it. But dang it, the small thing was lacking something. But I just kept on using it. Until my dad and my brother bought the DSLR. Oh yeah the was huge grin in my mental head. xD

So, with permission from time to time, I used the camera with no knowledge on how to use the sophisticated machine. But that didn't stop me from using different functions. :D Only last year, I learned what are ISO, aperture and shutter speed. I also incorporated my filming skills in my photography skills. And now... I can basically read the surroundings and set the almost perfect settings on the camera to capture almost perfect picture with the right amount of exposure. Am I happy. Yes I am. All I need to do now is keep on learning about what other things I can do with the camera. :D

Who knows, maybe I can be a pro in the future. ;)

But the sad thing about me being a photography is that, I'm not a photogenic person. xD

Song of the day - Paradise by Matsushita Yuya

Explore the new world ahead!

2011-01-10T01:36:00.000+08:00

Hello! :)
Nine days of 2011 have passed! Nothing big since my new year have passed long before. Yes, Awal Muharram is my new year! Didn't blog about that day either since I'm pretty much never in the mood to write. Actually, it's all about how to begin the post, not really about my mood. But my time was mostly wasted on multiple other things-nothing that I can benefit off of them.

There are times where I truly did not waste my time, like the day after I finished my finals, I went for a photography class. I learned a lot of things that I didn't know about the DSLR that I have in my hand. Before this I just simply played with the functions and captured many, many pictures that needed a lot of editing in photoshop. But after that class, I know how to work with the functions. Am pretty proud of myself about it! Though I was suffering from a very awful headache at that time, I managed to learn things that I didn't know that the camera have. Thanks to my cousin who organised the workshop! So now I'm patiently waiting for the next class... I wonder what I will capture next. Haha! I must keep on practicing, I must capture beautiful pictures-from unexpected beauty if possible!, I must keep on discovering new techniques on capturing these undiscovered beauties in this world! Exaggerating I am but I want to capture them. :)

I went to Comic Fiesta 2010 and what a great time I had within 2 days. :)

I visited my relatives within the holidays.

My brother just got engaged with his high school sweetheart on the 1st. :)

Went for shopping somewhere within the holidays; recently with my mum. :)

And that's pretty much it about my holiday. Oh and I got sick few days before my semester starts. I'm recovering now. :)

Now that the new semester already started an hour ago, I have to go to bed so that I can wake up later for class. Another 8am class that I cannot afford to miss. First day, firsts classes, firsts impressions. I'm praying that this time around, since it is the final round, I can make a mark... somehow. I may lack of excitement during the holidays, but I've recharged my batteries and I'm ready to face the new semester.
Though at the moment I'm quietly waiting for March. Because Sam my twin is coming back! Yatta!
Jya... Gambarimasu!

Song of the day - Pledge by the GazettE

Comic Fiesta '10 Day 2!!

2010-12-26T00:04:00.000+08:00

So the second day, I realised that I had loss my voice literally. I don't know what caused it. Though my brothers laughed and said that I participated in a singing competition; which I didn't, I can't pinpoint the cause of it. Did I talk a lot? Yes but... I talk a lot often almost to the brink of losing my voice but with just a glass of water, I was supposed to be cured.... Nope, still can't figure out why. T__T

I slept over at my friend's house the night before and we kind of woke up late due to watching Kuroshitsuji Musical The Most Beautiful DEATH in the World before going to sleep around... it was late. Haha~!. Other than that, like the normal fangirls we are, we couldn't stop ourselves from reading Alice Nine's translated blog post/twitter post. xD
*snortsgigglerollonthefloorlaughingmyheartoutcryingtearsoflaughter* xD

So day two! We were there around 3 o'clock. I had the cravings for sushi so I had to eat some before going to the hall. So we ate at Sushi King and after a stuffing myself with a few plates of sushi, we were off to the 14th floor! Instead of waiting for the elevator to take us up to the hall, we used the escalator that we discovered when we were leaving on day 1.

So what did I see... Here are some of the pictures that I took. :)

For more pictures of Day 2, click here~

I had a lot of fun during this year's Comic Fiesta. Congrats to Comic Fiesta team for reaching over 11 000 attendance this year! *Pops confetti* Omedetto!
(that explains the packed hall) xD
Next year is Comic Fiesta's 10th anniversary! It is a MUST GO event!
To know more about comic fiesta visit their website or forum or event join their facebook group! ;)
Being involve in this kind event is never boring. So, join the event in 2011!!! It's a fun occasion because you can make new friends and for photographers (doesn't matter what rank you are in photography) joining this event is worth it. ;)
Plus, people do get inspired to try out cosplaying and cosplaying is a form of art as well; in make up, fashion... basically how you portray a character. :) It is a fun activity. You get to be creative in trying to make the outfit too. :D
I might try out cosplaying for next year. Haha~ See if I can find a character that portrays my inner self or maybe a character that portrays my twisted personality. *laughs evilly*
So Comic Fiesta! Thanks for the great time you've given to all the cosplayers and the people that attended the event! It was epic! *bows*

Song of the day - Durarara!! OST vol. 1 & 2

Comic Fiesta '10 Day 1!!

2010-12-23T18:12:00.000+08:00

Yo! I haven’t been blogging for a long time ne? Honestly saying I haven’t been a fan of blogging recently. Too many stuff in my head and so many events that are hard to explain in words. Like the recent event I went to, Comic Fiesta 2010 held on the 14th floor of Berjaya Times Square- a ballroom. Last year, the event was held at Sunway Pyramid Convention centre- a place where it's easy to go to but this year was more worthwhile as it felt like an adventure.

Took the KTM, then the monorail straight to Times Square on both days of the event and I’m not going to kid you, the journey was tiring enough without the event-Eheh~ ^^;;

Day 1 of Comic Fiesta 2010; the lift, the hall and the ballroom was packed! Going home, the monorail and KTM were packed! Go figure. So yeah, on the first day of CF, my mission was to take as many pictures of cosplayers that I could. But then again, I was struck by awe when I saw cosplayers walking pass me as I escaped from the cramped lift. One main though pass through my head over and over, “How am I going to take their pictures? Will they be mad? Will I croak when I ask them for some pictures of their epicness? Oh God, how am I going to approach them when they are so awesome?” Pretty much felt like how I used to feel during last year CF. Last year’s pictures were nice but now that I’ve learned how to use the DSLR, I was kind of-maybe-probably well prepared for the event. Hehe~

After purchasing tickets for both days, I took out my camera, attach the flash, and adjust the settings… bla bla bla… I was ready to shoot somebody! Figuratively. Haha! But before anything, I entered the ballroom to see what’s going on at the event, and after exiting the ballroom, I vowed not to enter again till after the crowed had eased. The placed was incredibly packed! Especially the area around the stage and the Doujinshi booths. I don’t know why but it felt like Sunway Convention centre had a bigger space? So I walked into the heavily trafficked Doujinshi road and I actually lost my friend in there! No worries, we were able to find each other after we exited the place. ^^;;

Now (then) my mission really started. I snapped, snapped, rolled on the floor (not really), sieza-ed (literally), ducked under loads of cameras and flashes, walked back and forth from one end of the hall to the other end of the hall and stood for hours just to take pictures of cosplayers. Talk about exaggerating… but true.
I saw a lot of cosplayers! There was one cosplayer who was walking with a HUGE pair of black wings attached to her back! I was completely amazed!

The huge black wings! She appeared on The Star newspaper :D

Though, I only managed to focus on this picture since there were a lot of photographers at that time. What’s not to snap? That’s like the most talked about cosplay throughout the whole event! Then there were my friends; one cosplayed as one of the characters from Saint Seiya: The Lost Canvas, another friend cosplayed as the Hunter from Left 4 Dead, and another friend of mine cosplayed simply in her own Visual Kei style with a katana.

Raz cosplayed as Bennu Kagaho from
Saint Seiya: The lost Canvas

Naka cosplayed as the Hunter from
the game Left 4 Dead

Lioleia in her Visual Kei outfit

Other than that, there were event cosplayers from anime such as 07-Ghost, Hakuouki, Super Mario...

Cosplayers from 07-Ghost

Super Mario!!

Cosplayers cosplayed from the game/anime Hakuouki

But on Day 1, one cosplayer really made me go... (O__O)... on how real he looked like the anime/manga character himself. The one and only Heiwajima Shizuo from the anime Durarara!! He was tall and was walking around with a camera in his hand. I was really, how to say, afraid to actually tap on his shoulder to ask for a picture. The thing that came to mind was, “What if he’s the real deal and he’ll pick up something and swing me to the nearest wall like how it was in the anime?” It’s ridiculous to think so but heck I was pretty scared if I have to admit. But luckily, there was a girl who also wanted his picture. So she tapped on his shoulder asking for his picture and well, he nodded and took out his cigarette and posed like Shizuo. So what was I waiting for, I snapped as many (not many) as I could. Heiwajima Shizuo, if people say that he’s the real deal, I’d believe it.

Heiwajima Shizuo

Who's the cosplayer? I don't know. Although...*clears her throat*
"Shizuo! (Sorry, I don't know what to call you >.< ) Awesome cosplay! Thanks for posing for the camera by the way! Hope to see you again in CF 2011!!"

So who was my cosplayer of the day? Simple… look at above.
Heiwajima Shizuo~ ^^v
For more pictures of the event on Day 1, click here.

And~~ I made new friends at the event!~
In this picture; from left (NadRiel, Reno, Tara, Lioleia and Mei)

I only have this group picture of my friends with my new friends. Eheh~
How I know Reno? Raz told me. ^^
Hai Reno! :D

Song of the Day - Karma by Alice Nine

Comic Fiesta 2010!!!

2010-12-21T23:35:00.000+08:00

Here's a quick update...
Went to CF 2010 at Berjaya Times Square.
Had an awesome time!
Took a lot of pictures~
I will share the pictures soon! :D

The Moon

2010-11-24T01:13:00.000+08:00

True beauty doesn't need the extra shine as it's already shines

No, this is not relating to Twilight or any vampire series. There's so many of them out there nowadays.
Though this is related to the previous picture. See, I'm not joking about the big round light being the moon. :))

Silhouette

2010-11-23T23:24:00.000+08:00

Light of the night

Remember the big round moon I mentioned in the last post? So yeah, this is the moon. :))
Of course it looks more like a floating light that could easily came from the car or some spotlight in the distance... bla bla bla....xD
That's the moon alright! Haha!

Song of the day - Ranbu no Melody by SID

When the sun sets...

2010-11-21T21:06:00.001+08:00

Calm sunset

Took this photo awhile ago. After that, there was a big-round-bright moon behind me! xD

Bend and break... the spoon. Not.

2010-11-21T17:46:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging for a while, even though most of my study break days were spent on nothing but editing pictures, reading manga, editing pictures, reading manga... sneezes and tissues.

Tomorrow, is the day. I should really focus. ^^;;

*staring straight at a spoon* Focus... focus... foooooooooccccccccccccccccus~~~~

Everything will end when I burn this letter

2010-11-14T23:55:00.000+08:00

"No doubt it hurts but heck, I just need to forget and move on. It may take a while, it may take all my strength to put up a smile, but I won't show you these tears that has been flowing down countless nights.. From the start, right from the start, it was a big risk having feelings towards that person knowing that the chances are very slim. Now I know why you won't look at me; because you knew about these feelings don't you? Even if you don't, I will keep on assuming that you knew cause you won't hear me telling you what my real feelings are. I'll keep them inside, burn it and let it be ashes of memories soon to be forgotten. I knew from the beginning, I was an idiot falling for someone like you, heck, I even felt like one whenever I look at you. I should have known better and not to let my heart get caught in those sweet talker traps. I should have not be that curious, this cat ain't dead. just trapped. It may take a while to forget, yeah it's freaking hurts at the moment-sick of listening to love songs. I've decided, I won't waste my time anymore, I'll ignore the very existence of you that's fading in my heart, I just want to forget about you. I may or may not treat you the same way, so do expect a cold-shoulder coming from me. Yes I am mad and I am jealous, so what? I'm mad cause I wasted my heart on you and that's basically my fault. I will smile, but hah, it would be a fake one. Was hoping you won't treat me like how he did to me, but you're just the same. You knew my story but the funny thing is, who would remember such lame stories coming from the likes of me right? I will keep myself away from you, I will not look at you, I will just ignore the very existence of you. I don't hate you, hate is such a strong word, I just don't want myself to be fooled anymore. This is the end of another chapter, this is the end of a journey, I've reached the edge of the trail, I'm not a risk taker, I will just go back to square one and start over. I deserve better. For now on, I will watch every step I take and not to make the same mistake again. Adios~"

I'm going to stay back and be a spectator again. Let my heart be numbed again. Yes, I've lost hope once more. But no, I'll keep on moving forward and drag my lazy behind to continue on my journey. This incident won't stop me.

I'm reconsidering some things. I want to stay home and be with my family at all times during sem break. I have lots of things to do and I want to make sure that I will do all of them. So yeah, I might miss a lot of fun but again, I need sometime alone and I need my family at this point to guide me. :)

A Heart's Poetry

2010-11-14T05:04:00.002+08:00

Since the beginning, the confidence is slowly being submerged by darkness as if what this person is going through is not what it supposed to be. No doubt there are times where fun and laughter was shining the path, but there are more dark alleys covering the so called destiny and there are more doubts covering the journey. Though there's a smile across this face but is it really a smile?

The journey started off well but as the days went by, the spirit within just keep on fading and fading until the ball of fire just a small glow in vast darkness deep within the heart. The determination and the passion, never came back in the end, and all that's left was the push of upholding self-dignity. A smile is what people see, but is it a smile actually?

The nightmare of love just came back haunting the unhealed heart. Tearing away all the stapled wounds, making the wounds longer and deep, tearing the heart like a piece of white paper stained with red liquid, stabbing the heart with a rusty old dagger. How can a faint beating heart hold much longer before it actually stop beating and become heartless to the world and refuse to open for other opportunities?

Coldness freezes the wide landscape; not knowing where to look, not knowing what to say, the truth is hidden and a smile was replaced to seal everything. Where has all the honesty went to; buried alive has it been since a while ago. Fake a smile, fake a gesture, fake a beauty, fake the world over. Maybe the slow heart beats are hallucinating. Coldness it was a journey once but it came back with another trial where a facade covering the truth. A new challenge a new wound carved on the surface of the wounded heart.

Maybe this little faint heart beat doesn't belong here; maybe it belongs elsewhere. A place that will ignites the lost fire, the lost imagination, healing the wounds if it's possible. Maybe it was a mistake that mislead the faint beating to believe in what is supposed to be a destiny. A place that was supposed to show more opportunities in many things. But as times flies like eagles soaring above the dark sky in search of preys; bitter, sweet, painful memories just piled up in a corner, echoing the memories to be remembered.

Holding the heart from the outside of this earthy-made stature, how the heart whimpered to be rid out and firmly and tightly hold onto it and let the painful feeling flow like a river full of sorrow. How a smile would slowly be craved on the pale looking facial, how the tears will flow slowly down and not to be bothered. A new place, a new beginning, a new journey, a calling that was seen elsewhere. Maybe it was the wrong choice to begin with when this path was chosen. God Knows.

Indecisive Me

2010-11-14T01:43:00.000+08:00

The last presentation; the last assignment for the presentation skill class. Something that all of us should look forward to as it should be something easy for each one of us to do. Maybe to some it's easy but there are a number of the presenters found it a difficult task.

I personally had a hard time trying to make this presentation a good one but it kind of went the other way from what I had hoped for. I thought I could talk about myself even after telling myself a lot of times that this assignment will not harm me in any kind of way, but upon doing this assignment, I rediscovered/remembered something that I was taught a long time ago, "For whatever good that comes from you is not yours alone, you are merely borrowing from God and and all the bad things that you do are yours and yours only." Upon remembering that lesson, I was terribly affected thus I couldn't do well in my presentation. I even broke down within the course of completing the assignment and even also shed a tear when I was presenting.

I admit that I'm really a humble person; I cannot bring myself to a level where I claim I'm better than the others around me. I may be good at some things, but I always push myself backwards where I always tell people there are others who are better than me. It's hard for me to actually accept compliments though when people say I deserved it- most of the time I would kindly accept it but usually I would deny the compliment and humbly look away. Maybe this is my specialty where I am a humble person but in a way, I'm no different from other people like David Archuleta or Kris Allen who are both humble people.

To me, though we may be different in a certain area, but to actually claim that we are really different is not really true. To find someone who is really different and unique is really rare because the world is vast and it is said that every human has 7 look-a-likes. If in that way we look the same like the other 7 out there, what difference does it make with personalities? Though at the moment, I can only think of of 2 things that makes us all different from each other and that is our DNA and fingerprints. Other than that , our mirror is somewhere out there.

In the end, God will only look at us all equally; no ranks, no status, no specialty. HE has HIS own list of people who are worthy to stand by HIM.

The more I learn about myself, the more I discover all the flaws I have. The more I learn about myself, the more I question my decisions in life; even the question of whether I belong in the line of Mass Comm came to questioned. Recently I have been contemplating whether I am made for this line of work.

Ever since I saw the works of Creative Multimedia graduated students from my brother's academy, I was struck with awe and at that point I somehow realised that they had done the things I've been doing all this while. Not to mention, recently my determination and passion have been really low throughout this whole semester. Do I belong in Mass Comm? Now, I have my doubts about my choice.

My mum, who knows me so well, sees through me. She knew my presentation won't go so well as she saw the trouble I was facing into completing the assignment. And I had told her about how I should have chosen creative multimedia instead. She asked me about whether I want to study creative multimedia. Honestly, I was shocked when she asked me that, but then again, she was worried about me; I guess she saw the struggle I'm facing at the moment. I answered her that I would like to but I have reached this far into my course of studying in Mass Comm so I want to graduate first before making a move into another course if my desire is still the same after I graduate. I will delay my degree if I have to in order to achieve the things I want.

Had a breakdown earlier about multiple things. Thanks Nad for listening to my rambling about a few things. :')

Till the next time~

Song of the day - Agony by the GazettE

Cloudy Bird

2010-11-12T01:23:00.002+08:00

Cloudy Bird Flying in the sky

That day was really cloudy- they all look so fluffy. And I saw this cloudy bird soaring above the sky. Pretty no?

Classes for this semester has finally ended. Just need to face the final exams and I'm then, only it's official that the semester has ended.

Will update on what had happened since the last post was posted.

Now, need to sleep.

Jya~

Miss you?

2010-11-07T11:38:00.000+08:00

Kind of getting a little irritated with love songs now. Gosh, why are you effecting me this much? What did I ever do to you that I deserve such punishment?Yes... apparently I am still in denial... Of all people, it's you I longing for... why? Gosh, I hate to admit it but I miss you~ =(

The Last Nitrous!

2010-11-06T03:14:00.022+08:00

The semester is ending soon. How time fly so fast this time and now we're seeing tornado made in Malaysia. No kidding, check youtube. Saw a few of them on videos and God, to think these things we only see on programs from the United States and not from our very own backyard.

Yup, the semester is ending in a few more weeks thus there are a lot of assignments/projects due to submission. My time management still Topsy turvy, so, a few more late nights, or probably sleepless nights might help out again. For now that is. I had enough of doing things late at night; though it's the best time for my brain to function but then again, there's a lot of distractions going on, on my computer monitor. Should really REALLY get my time managed.

What's left?

Advertising Copywriting (Ads Analysis folder/facebook)

Presentation skills (Portfolio and Speech)

Creative Comm (Magazine)

Media Planning (Presentation)

Writing for Mass Media (Beat Reporting Presentation and the other 5% of assignment)

So, here's the last few bits of Semester 5 before we going on a break and finally our finals and then a time to relax and get back into life; since someone said we don't have a life due to lack of participation in various programs/activities held by organizations. Haha!

Yes, the last push to graduate this semester! Hope to God that I won't stumble and fall. ;)

Jya~!

Song of the day - Cosmetic by SID

Self-discovering

2010-11-04T07:59:00.000+08:00

"I have found myself and it has been a difficult journey. No matter what I brand myself as, no matter how I justify my own personal brand, though I am different here, in the presentation hall... there are still people who are like me elsewhere. To find someone really different from the rest is rare. This is me, this is who I am. Whatever goods that comes out from me are HIS and whatever bad comes out from me are mine. Besides, the only few things that can differentiate all of us are out finger prints and our DNA. :)"

Branding Self, not that simple.

2010-11-04T06:11:00.000+08:00

While I'm typing this, at the same time, I'm in the middle of writing a speech for my final presentation for my Presentation Skills class. Though it is said by the lecturer that this assignment should be the easiest among other assignments we have faced, but truth be told, I can't really talk about myself-- in terms of showing how good I am, what makes me special, and what makes me different from other people.

Branding self isn't as simple as it sounds. It's kind of obvious that people now tend to brand me to be a Cat Lover but no, that's not what I am. Yes I am still a cat lover, but what am I really? Anyone can be a cat lover, not only me, but what makes me so special that people will recognise me as me?

Reminds me of Yuya. Haha! I AM ME~ the Yuyaness~ ^^

Seriously now, I still can't bring myself to praise myself ever so infinitely. I admit, I'm a humble person... and people have problems with humble people. I can't praise myself when people say that I deserve the praise. Talk about low self-esteem but that's just me. When discussing about this assignment, I was almost at the verge of crying because I personally felt that this assignment felt wrong (Still does). Because I am told to talk about myself, sell my self, branding myself, show my future employer that I am the person they are looking for. I feel that this a wrong assignment for me is because, I was taught how everything I have gained and achieved till now and in the future later is not mine entirely. All the things that I have now, all of them belongs to Allah SWT. I can't claim something that isn't mine can I? I am just merely borrowing. All the good things that comes out from me are HIS and not mine. I can't claim them... They are not mine. Yes, I do feel guilty.

So, the bottom line is... I can't talk about myself. I may have to just talk about the normal things because apparently, when I thought of something that's special about me, there are other people with the same special personality. Why can't I be special because I am me?

The Question now is...

2010-11-04T04:07:00.000+08:00

Why exactly am I attracted to you when before, I was really annoyed by your flirtatious attitude?
You treat me differently, in a way, you don't even dare messing around with me and yet I am drawn to you like a magnet. What is it about you that makes me want to be near you?

Do we need reasons to like someone? They say no. But still, I keep on wondering why on earth do I like you. Because, a few of them says that I deserve better; because we are polars apart. Kind of reminds me of a Malay novel I love to read but in that story, the girl doesn't even love the guy only until towards the end.

I like you. But do you feel the same? That's the question now.

If I was a bowling pin

2010-11-04T02:06:00.002+08:00

If I were bowling pins- one of them- probably the one with a chipped paint; I think I'm gonna get a headache or worse.

Do they know the pain? Do they know what it feels like getting hit by huge 3-eyed boulders? Imagine, being pinned down ( more like being a victim of a hit-and-run) by them almost every seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, month... 365 days?! (366 days on leap years) Do they even know?!

Every time I and my friends being hit by these huge boulders that comes with different colours and weight, we are picked up and put in the front line. Every day is the same routine; get hit-run over, pushed to the back by these parallel bars, picked up, put at the front line with my 9 other comrades, get hit again and the cycle goes on and on and on and on..... until I don't know what will happen in the future. Will we be damaged somehow? Sometimes I wish we do so that they will put us away and let us live on a shelf or something.

But at time I am grateful because some of these boulders tends to come very slowly and by the time they hit us, it just simple knock us down ever so slowly and we just fall like dominos. The best moments usually happens when the boulders swerve over to either left of right of the lane and fall into the gutter. That is the best time for every pins. But then again, after 2 boulders. if we are still standing, we are still being pushed back by this parallel bar. And we all fall down again~~

When darkness was upon us, with someone one from the other side of the lane whistling to a song, some of us will just lie on the conveyor belt, maybe hanging, or maybe so of us might be standing on th lane... Do you know how cold the place can be? We want blankets! It's freaking exhausting when boulders came running our way when the place is light up and it's terribly cold when you just left us there, standing, lying, hanging without any blanket to cover us! Please, have compassion!

*Hits by a boulder*

"Dude... the noise went away."
"What noise?"
"...."

I am a bowling pin. Bowling is fun... but the shoes stinks. xD

Longer Conversation

2010-10-31T02:05:00.003+08:00

"I am doing something that is totally against my heart's choice as well as my mind. But the fact that I wanted a longer conversation I agreed on something that I can hardly approved. But in the end, I've asked her and well, you will just have to wait for her answer. She's my friend, and true enough, she's prettier and more out going than the person I am. She might be the one for you, probably true if everything is alright. But like a typical soul of a girl's heart would begged that, nothing would happen. You may call it jealousy, but it's the typical feeling of a girl that has fallen for a guy."

When things get weirder.

2010-10-30T13:38:00.000+08:00

My mind says,"Just when she said that you need to let go of the fella for a while, and then you keep whining about him in the last post. What gives?!"

My heart says,"I just can't let go just like that! What about you, you keep on thinking of him! Didn't she also say that you need to put him the back of your mind? Like way back in those dark corners of your messed up space of a brain?"

My mind reply,"How can I when you keep longing for him like a total wimp? Just forget about him!"

My heart reply,"Like you don't know how hard it is to forget a guy you like. You've been through the same thing few years back. Or maybe you're were absent minded during those excruciating times?"

My mind reply,"Yeah I was there. But still! She's not asking you to forget about the fella completely, she's just asking you to let him go for awhile only. Not completely."

My heart goes,"Like you can put him at the back of your mind."

And I go,"I need to balance out my life."

Words of Affirmation?

2010-10-30T03:46:00.000+08:00

"What if you knew I like you?

Will the past replay itself?"

Will this time be like a typical shoujo-manga/romantic comedy/love lost kind of story? Because I think I just offered something I shouldn't. Though by impulse I just agreed to it, when I know my heart just screams why won't you look at me?!

"Apparently I am that selfish and greedy.

Wanting you more and more daily."

Though this time the approach was different from the times before. Yes, the first step is always the hardest but I managed to do so. What happened is just a complete bliss-- cut short when that something else was mentioned. And the more I think of it the more I think I should hold my heart longer before actually giving it; showing it literally. Because I keep on thinking to myself Am I not good enough?

"Opinions asked, answers given

They are never the same with others."

Probably I am thinking too much. Looking at his words at every single angle that is possible-hoping to see, maybe a word, a hint of that- but sometimes they just mean; apparently direct and there isn't any story behind those words. But leaving me hanging... exception? What do you mean? What this person says is never the same as the others. I asked why, his answered vaguely. Trying to dig deeper, he took another root and talked about something else. Again, am I just over thinking it?

"Afraid of many things will fall

Fear that you will look away...

once you know the truth."

The more I say it, the more I think about it... the more scared I become of losing something precious. A feeling I discovered that has always been there. Denial was your camouflage, your disguise. When things changed, you started to slowly shed those skin and reveal the feeling I have always had for you. Why now of all time? At this moment, the feeling of backing out is lingering, coming closer to shadow the little courage I am holding to tell you... everything. Want you to know... but now, I'm not sure anymore.

"I can't shake the feeling off.

Wanting to tell you but couldn't.

Yet I still want to tell you."

Hopefully, I can be courages enough... and face this fear, fight away the shadow and in the end... say everything. Its the matter of what will happen next that will determine the next path I will choose in life.
Which path I wonder.

"In the end I need a say

Will you tell me

Whether I should tell you?"

Haunted

2010-10-29T17:24:00.002+08:00

A dark evening, the raven crows playground

On the 27th of October, the dungeon of DMC department held a Ghost, witches, vampires, zombies and mortals meeting. Specially dressed as a reporter, I went to the dungeon. Supposedly I should have blend in with the ghost, zombies, witches and... a school kid? But my disguise was ripped to shreds (more like the tailor-wannabe-made disguise was an epic fail.) and thus I only left with a black tail. Planned to dress up like a hooded cat with ears sticking out of the hood and a tail sticking out of my pants, but no, didn't get to use the disguise.

So, since I was left with a long black tail; sticking out of my pants, my supervisor came and saw and she said, "We're going to drop you off in front of the shop lots and you will be walking to the dungeon. So, imagine you walking in broad daylight where people can see you with that tail bobbing out behind you." I just looked at her, clearly embarrassed by the image. Yes, my self-esteem at that time was so low because of effect by the fact that I was afraid that I might be eaten alive at the dungeon. Yes, I was scared of the dungeon because I'll be sticking out like a sore thumb! On Snap!

So, leaving the tail behind, my long black tail (>.<)
I ventured into the dungeon of DMC department. The first thing or more likely a mortal that I saw was, a man in a green shirt(?). He claimed himself to be M. Nasir. I fallowed Mr. M. Nsr to one of the closed gloomy dungeon and I was greeted by many, MANY unknown creatures! There's a reaper with his long sharp scythe, a black female cat, a bandit an angel and apparently, there's a dept collector too. I swallowed my courage and approach these things. Luckily, they didn't see me! I guess my supervisor sprinkled some magical invisible dust on me when I got out of the car when she dropped me off.

The meeting went well. Nobody tried to kill me and well, blood only stained on their ripped clothes. I don't know if he's dead or lost or probably hid by something, but there's a school boy among the living dead. There was also a doctor; probably a witch doctor? Oh my God! That syringe is huge!

Walking around the living dead is not that bad; since I was unnoticed, I just walked around and snapped a whole lot of pictures. There was also a walking post-it boy, a hippy, man-woman and a sexy feline. There was even a dead cheerleader who apparently got the attention of a street fighter, a dead child, a vampress and skull-headed zombie. Wolverine was there too.

It was an interesting event. Many creatures of different kind walking among each other. Claws were sheath, fangs for display and movie pictures at the end. It was a different kind of meeting than I expected. I thought I was going to see blood, slim and dead bodies, but no, there was only clean and friendly creatures; surprisingly.

Diploma in Mass Communication haunted for a day. Scary faces but friendly personality. <3

Quick One!

2010-10-27T01:15:00.001+08:00

Life is literally sucked at the moment. Sorry, excuse my language. But that's the only way to say it for now. it will continue on if I don't set my priority straight. So to make life better...

1. Dude, stay at the at the back of my mind, the furthers corner, and stay there and come out when the semester ends. I don't have the time to deal with you nor my feelings for you as I had enough of my weakness at the moment. I've done enough damaged to my thoughts and my heart for now. I need both of them now to get my work done and to not let my friends down again. Please, bring me back my determination and passion to do my work where I left few semester back. *Why did you run off anyway?!*

P.S. I still like you just stay way back and let me do my work.

2. Lazy butt, get up and get going. You've had your time lazing around now its time to get going. Don't drag me down now.

3. Heart, leave the guy alone for awhile. For now, get back the passion into doing the work that were given to us. Without passion, its hard to complete things. I know its hard to even let go for a second, but for now, focus on what's more important. A warning, don't get your hopes up cause you might never know what's the fella real feelings for you. Yes you know its a 50/50 chance... you know it yourself, so don't fall down and tumble over and want another year to recover. You know what happened to us when we were so attached to that same feeling last time. Bring back the passion. The same passion when we sat for SPM together, Sem 1, 2 and 3! Bring back that passion!

Yes you can still like him. But for now, leave him and fall in love with work. ;)

4. Mind! Stop fooling around and make heart go insane. Get your priority straight. You know how much it sucked when you are being told by your parents, and how hard you had to take everything in knowing it's your own error, your own fault. You're controlling the whole body, so stop messing around, wake up and move! Denial you are not, yes you like the guy too! So stop thinking about what's going to happen in the future, stop thinking about the 'what ifs', stop being so negative and get the freaking determination back into your brain cells! And stop poking on heart, she needs to bring back passion into her life. Got that?

Not in denial, you like the fella. But please la, get in line and get the determination to do the work given. Stop complaining how bad you are, just do it! The less you ponder, the faster you can do it.

5. Inspiration and creativity~~ Please come back! D:

6. Fieqa! Let's get to work! Yes, heart and mind always fighting and mind likes to bully heart, but get a hold on them and constantly remind both of them that if everything falls apart, they themselves will get hurt. You know what you feel, you know what you think, so, to get back the trust and to solve the puzzles, please, I beg of you as yourself, please, fix your attitude. A lot of people are disappointed in you, don't make it worst. And stop skipping classes! You're paying the bills in the end anyway.

Perhaps a journey with another bleak ending

2010-10-24T05:51:00.000+08:00

Find a surface to write on
Scribble down my hearts content
But the ink of my words won't flow.

Recently, constantly
You have been invading my thoughts,
Causing a stir deep within my heart.
Until every work in my hand stopped.

Denial came over me
How could I like someone like you?

Hardly a conversation,
More like one question one answer
Honestly saying I doubt my heart's choice
of all people it's you it chose.

Is this another journey with a bleak ending?
As I see it now, there is nothing.
Who are you to me and who am I to you...

Friends?

After a very long hiatus, I've finally wrote a lame poem!
So yeah, a poem about my current situation.
Cheesy and lame... but it's the current thing I'm experiencing.
Wishing it would stop but at the same time, no I don't want it to stop.
Sigh.... crush, admire or like... which one is it.
Or maybe I'm fooling myself.

Chained up, bound to a heart.

2010-10-20T19:59:00.002+08:00

I know I shouldn't be thinking too much about it... but, sometimes you just can't help it you know. I'm like in a different situation cause I know the person and we are like friends since we do talk, joke around and support each other in a way- like what friends really do...

[You could say that I never really like someone who is my friend cause last time it was more like... the person used to be a friend but he decided to ignore me and I kept that one-sided feeling for years. Something that I should have let go a long long time ago. Took me years huh? Well its mutual now, we are friends and we ignore each other.]

Yes, I like a friend of mine but I'm to scared to admit. But at the end to the day, undeniably I do like him. But, it's not a sugar coated kind of thing since yet again, it's just a one-sided feeling. How long will this one last?

Kiru told me, You are allowed to like anyone. But you have to know where you stand. Meaning that there's a fifty-fifty percent chances when it comes to something like this. If you're lucky then it's okay. If it's the other way round, where you're standing, gives you the ability to accept the fact that this person is not interested. It's okay to like someone. Just know where you're standing so when to comes to that point, you can accept the fact and move on.

And my mum told me, Actually its better now that you're not having an extra commitment. Cause even now you're having problems handling other commitments. In your college now, you don't have that many choices (xP), maybe when you're taking your degree and you're in another place, maybe there you might have more choices.Or maybe when you're working. You're not in a hurry. Take your time.

And my sweet daughter Yika told me, you'll be suffocating in your own soul and you will never live as a loner but in misery because you're hiding yourself in the book where no one even me will know what's happening because you're just hiding it away.... remember mommy..... chance comes once. don't trust chances.

I was wishing that I could live a life like a loner, because I want to ignore these feelings. But then again, I am only human and we tend to be oblivious when it comes to these kind of thing. We won't know we like someone until it hits you. You won't know you care and love someone deeply not until you lose them. But then again, to know you love someone is easy yet always forgotten; the person you love is always on your mind, and you tend to unknowingly constantly thinking about them; whether worried or you just realised how perfect the person is in your eyes, thinking of them make your heart race, knots and butterflies in your stomach.... many ways and signs but we tend to be oblivious.

I woke up crying one late evening, dreamnt of him as there were signs we were going to be an item but ended bitterly when the person crushed the feeling by giving me something way different that what I anticipated. Was that sadness I saw in your eyes in my dream after pushing me away? I wouldn't know. In the end it was just a dream where I woke up crying. But after that you are constantly on my mind.

Denial or not, it's a feeling that I feel lucky to have and at the same time the feeling I wish it's the last thing I want to feel.

I was told to just confess, to tell him, 'I like you.' I agree but I'm afraid. Rejection is my trauma. Cause by telling someone you like that, it either goes very well, or very bad. Its a detour that I'm always scared to take. Because the experience I had was too deeply wounded and from that on, I never had the guts to tell anyone I like that I like them.

But you wouldn't know and your answer won't be answered unless you take up the challenge and confront your problems. I know this myself but fears always overcome me in the end. Negative thinking has always been my best friend and its hard to think otherwise. And to think other people are the ones at fault for making you have low self esteem. To me, its myself. Always have the feeling that I'm not good enough. Always have the feeling I need to improve myself before confessing. Am I not good enough?

Few more months, just a few more months till I graduate... why must you come by when there's still few more months till I graduate? The aim was to focus on my studies, but now my head is messed up cause of you. If only I can put you aside and focus on my studies. But why can't I have both? Why must my mind get too preoccupied by one thing...

I've been delaying on a lot of work that has been entrusted to me. Its hard to finish them when my problems kept flashing pass me. The thought of confessing, the thought of getting rejected, the thought of him ignoring me in the end... scares the hell out of. Because the feeling of being ignored in the end still haunts me. Because of what I felt last time, shadowed my hopes.

Seriously, I should stop thinking about these feelings and get myself back to work. I've made people wait long enough. I've disappointed my friends cause I keep on delaying my work. I'm pretty much disappointed of myself.

Just because of one feeling, life is messed up. Time is wasted. Heart keeps on breaking. Hopes that was built is breaking... Don't know anymore... but can't let go.

Merry-Go-Round

2010-10-18T23:54:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I don't get it with this feeling that I'm having. =S

"The only reason I never confessed to the person that I like is because, I'm afraid of rejection."

"I've forgotten how liking someone feels like. Liking you seems to make me feel the long forgotten feelings"

"Heart hardly at ease, mind constantly in a mess, why am I feeling this way?"

"Someone told me that its better not to think. Better not bother. But it seems I can't stop."

"The more I think of you, the more worried I become towards you."

"I can never seem to say those words out loud, but it's suffocating me, pushing my lungs to the limit, forcing me to say but all that came was nothing."

"I'm still afraid apparently."

"The scar from before, turns out it never healed."

"I want to talk to you, but it seems that, I cannot find the right things so say."

"Want you to look at me, but that's just merely a fairytale."

"Seems that I can never go to sleep when my heart is racing because of you."

"Will you be the one taking me to a place that I've never been before?"

"I want you, but I'm afraid to ask."

"I'm just afraid."

"Rejection is my trauma."

"Constantly wishes that I'm heartless so that I won't feel all of these feelings."

"Look at me!"

"I begged silently but its merely a soundless voice that simply vanished into thin air."

"You affected me stronger then the one before."

'I cried once, because of you."

"I love you, is something I can never say."

"Because I don't belong to you."

"Because I'm afraid you will leave."

"Because I'm simply... me."

"The person who's not the one for you."

"I'm just... no one."

"Bittersweet dream, I had of you."

"Tears I cried for you."

"Scared I am of you."

"You'd leave because of me."

"I'm sorry."

"Love."

Stomping the Roses!

2010-10-18T03:23:00.009+08:00

It has been the most hectic semester in my adventure of finishing my diploma course! So what if I take 6 subjects; that's not the reason why college life is hectic. It's the amount of working being thrown at us that causing us to loose balance at times. I actually missed a dateline... nice right?

Now, probably there's a little bit of a breather and after every Thursday, Friday became a lazy day, Saturday became a day where I ponder around wanting to do work but hardly do anything and usually Sunday will be a day where I will rush things. Then Monday till Thursday will be the day where I get the least sleeping time.

And now I fear of falling asleep in class cause they *cough*caughtmesnoring*cough* yeah so, basically I push myself so that I won't fall asleep. Keep myself awake by drinking a packet of milo during breaks and yawn as much as I can to get the oxygen flowing in my brain. *blink blink* Must.Stay.Awake.

Oh yeah, this sem turned out to be the time where I miss a lot of class. Not that many but a few. Something that I've never done before in my last sem. I even missed a class due to a panic attack. O__O

Okay, okay, some good news please. Haha!

I now have in my CD collection; David Archuleta second album 'The Other Side of Down'!! Finally, something actually worth listening to compared to the songs playing on the top 40 charts. Call me old fashioned or tasteless; but nowadays, most songs contains all these unnecessary 'stuff'. That's why I converted myself to listening Japanese music- J-Rock!

David's songs are beautiful and actually have strong meanings in them. Though his songs might have a hard time getting into the charts now, but at least he has a very strong fan base in many parts of the world. :) I tell you now, listen to his new album! Recommended songs~ Elevator, Stomping the Roses, Parachutes and Airplanes, Good Place and... My Kind of Perfect. Especially My Kind of Perfect. It's such a beautiful song. :')

I actually stopped listening to the radio because all the songs I hear nowadays are like... anything but everything about getting into someone's pants, so I gave up-- but sometimes I get lucky and actually find some nice songs; even that there's are like, a few of them. But then again, I've been listening to my list of songs in my PC and have no time to tune the radio on and college is consuming my time... so the radio is only in hearing ground when I'm sitting in the car.

But don't you think song nowadays are not fit for kids to listen? :(

Anyway... Currently I'm in denial about something. Maybe I do like that person but... why him of all people? My friends are actually shocked when I told them ( a few of them) and most of them actually said 'I deserve better.' Do I really? Cause I feel like I don't. :(
Epp! Not to say the guy is a bad guy, he's a nice guy but his characteristics contrast with mine so epically.
My friends actually never saw it coming with my choice.
And well, a friend of mine encourages me to get to know this other guy who seems... to her is a nice fella for me. Eehh~? Okay, maybe he is. Maybe I should consider. Maybe I should get to know him. But... it's kind of hard for me? >.< Besides... I'm so out of his league? Considering a few factors that he has that I don't. O__O

Seriously, why can't I just focus on my studies? D:

Need. To. Focus.On. My.Studies!! >.<

Woah. Okay it's late and I haven't studied a single thing for my test that's coming in a few hours. Not to mentioned a speech that I have to do after that. Ahahaha... ^^''

Mata ne!~
Jya~

Song of the day - Stomping the Roses by David Archuleta

Your Little Fool

2010-10-17T02:06:00.000+08:00

Making a fool of myself
Trying my hardest to get your attention.
Hoping that you will see me
As how I am seeing you.

I know
I don't have the right
To force nor to begged you
To like me, as how I like you.
But imagination took its toll
Taking me on a ride
Making me a little fool.

A clown as I am
Inside, I'm in love.
Looking at you
Made my world at ease.
But sometimes,
It tends to freeze.

So please,
Look at me
As how I am telling you
How half-looking I feel
Without you by my side.

I am a girl in disguise
A fool, a clown
Whenever I'm around you.
So please tell me
How does it feel to be loved?

~~x~~x~~x~~x~~x~~x~~x~~x~~

Written on the 11th of August 2008
by FieQa~

Cookie, You will always be my first cat.

2010-10-17T01:26:00.001+08:00

I never talked about Cookie before have I? While I was writing a speech for my presentation test last week, and at that time, I started to recall back the last few moments of Cookie before we put him to sleep.

I know, it sounds heartless for putting a pet to sleep but we had no choice as Cookie was suffering from Leukemia and he had been suffering for years- we don't want him to suffer anymore seeing that his conditioned worsen after awhile. It was a bad sight, and I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I know, I was being mean to him.

I know, at that time, he needed me the most when he was oblivious to what was going to happen to him- maybe he knew. But I couldn't look at him. I can't believe myself either but the trauma I got from the last cat we took to the vet; Simba, was too much that I couldn't bring myself to go through it again but I know I should have because... because Cookie was my cat, my very first cat... and I treated him badly towards his last few moments.

I know, I deserve to feel this guilt.
Cause I only shed a few tears, and never went for his burial. Yeah, I pretty much a heartless person after he was gone.

After almost 2 years after his departure, everything flooded back in when I was chatting with a friend a few days back when I talked about Cookie, everything just fell and I couldn't help but cry.

Cookie!~ I miss you boy! I'm sorry for not being a good friend to you I know I should have. You're the best cat and I miss all your head-butts, you standing proud and strong on the kitchen cabinet, your warm gaze when you look at people and meows. I missed you so much! I love you still~ There's a picture of you still hanging in my room and I will never forget you. :')
Please, forgive me for not being with you at the vet when you breathed last... I'm sorry~
I love you always~
Wherever you are, hope you're hanging around with Simba and there rest of our family cats and all the cats that had passed our lives. Hope we'll meet again. Thanks for listening to all my babbling... thanks for being part of my life. You're my first cat and you'll never be replaced from that spot. :)
Love you~

Thanks AF for listening to me that day. Though what you're going through is much more painful than what I'm going through but well, whether its someone that we love or a pet that we love, its still painful when they're not here next to us. :)
Cause they had been close to us for years and then they left... what's not to feel but grief?
Stay strong, she will always be with you in your heart and I bet she knows you love her still. ;)

I'll stay strong too... though to people it might seem a little matter but to me it's something huge. Pets are like family no matter what.

~<3

We complain, oh yes we do

2010-10-03T05:31:00.000+08:00

Many things had happened in the last few weeks and I doubt it will stop any time soon; seeing how big the damage was.

Not to name names but, apparently there are these people who are making a huge mess in the world of DMC. (not all but some of them)

Not only have they disrespect the lecturers, but at some point, they are a little bit over their heads?

This kind of thing happened last year too but it was more of a personality problem that got on some of my friends' nerves.

But the thing is, why disrespect/dislike the lecturers publicly? If you dislike them so much why not just tell them straight instead of making behind the curtain comments or heck even picture(s) surfaced! (There's lecturer evaluation week, want to complain so much, wait till then.)

All of us are prone to talk bad about someone, and yes, not all of us are saints in this world. We talk bad about people; you name it, celebrities, politicians, friends, family... heck, even our lecturers. When we're mad, stressed up, unsatisfied... we tend to blame other people. Sometimes after we gave some thought, though rarely, we will point the fingers to ourselves.

Only last week I pretty much got mad at a lecturer and complained about it to my friends. It was about an assignment that to me it was impossible to finish-- in the end I did and met the deadline. *slap self*

My friends and I, we complain a lot; assignments, class, projects, people, lecturers... but at the end of the day, wherever the complain took place, we leave it there. We don't go publicly and post it on our wall and allow others to see it.

In class, we hear all these things that you just heard, and you know what, we laugh it off in class. We actually told the lecturer what she said and of course she got embarrassed and you know what, she laughed along with us. We get along with all the lecturers we've gotten throughout the whole time we spent in college. Even though that or that lecturer is not doing his or her work properly, and all we do is complain on how we're not getting any benefit from that class and how we're wasting our parents money or our loan money from not learning in class, but at the end of day , we learn to tolerate whatever the person's characteristics is. We actually learned something and you ought to know damn well we enjoyed the class, no matter how bad it was.

Lecturers are humans for crying out loud! Humans are not prefect to begin with, of course we tend to mispronounce some things. And we are not super computers, we can't work that perfectly. Heck even computers are not perfect, it too need rest or else the computer will explode.

We complained about assignments/projects and how much that or that class sucked and thought we learned nothing to help us complete the task given, but at then end of every semester, we managed to climb over the wall and passed or even aced our classes. One reason is because, we are determine to get the diploma that we paid for.

In college, lecturers are not required to teach us, thus the name given to them, lecturer is to lecture and not teach. Teachers are supposed to teach you and now you are above the level where you need a teacher. You are your own teacher and you need to teach yourself how to handle things for now on. Not spoon feeding. If you don't understand whatever the lecturer is lecturing, go ask them, they are not that stingy when it comes to helping their students.

I was once told that its not all sunny and rainbows in the working world and I can't expect to be spoon fed every time. It's hard to actually take the words in but, "Its a dog eat dog world out there" if you can't make it now, how are you gonna make it in the working world?

Another thing, the internet is a dangerous place. Whatever you type which you intended to be very harmless as you're expressing your thoughts or just simply typing whatever that came into mind, don't be too naive by thinking that people are thinking the same thing. People tend to misinterpret what you said and thus taking it the wrong way, which in the end, might be a bad thing. People are unpredictable and they might just burst out without any warning. It's the virtual world and you're communicating with words and emoticons and not your real expression, body language and voice intonation, there are plenty of loop holes for misunderstandings.

I'm not pointing fingers, but this is my own two cents on the matter. Yes, I'm annoyed to what I've heard so far, but must they take it that far? It's never a smooth road in front of us, it's never a sugar coated life, heck, life is unfair. So why not take another road, eat the bitter, sour and salty life and find another way to solve your babbling.

One thing, get yourself out of the holiday shoes cause it's already far off from that. Expect more hardship in the course because its not all about no maths and all you need to know is to know how to talk, it's more than that. The thing we've taken for granted is actually far harder than we thought.

Want to actually benefit a lot more in class and in this course? then...

"Stop complaining. Take it all in. Cry it out and start over. Nothing goes your way in this world, so better buck up and stand up on your own two feet."

We want to get along, that's all. And if you and the lecturers get along well, you can actually enjoy a lot. Cause all of us in my batch actually can go out together with the lecturers and have awesome breakfast or lunch with them. ;)

Again, it's just my own two cents~

Song of the day - Vermin by the GazettE

A Kitty Came and Stayed

2010-10-02T04:30:00.022+08:00

So here's the newest edition to the family. His name is Chubby Kecik.

Reason for the name? Simple, he looks like my other cat named Chubby.

They do look alike, apart from the long fluffy tail, small paws, round eyes, longer socks for the hid-legs, and the with line on the nose... other than that, they look alike. Lol~

They are brothers; came from the same mother only 2 years apart if I'm not mistaken. :)

So, say hello~ x)

Why not other names? Trust me, we tried calling him using other names but Chubby Kecik seems to be the perfect name, since people keep on calling him that. xD

I for one calls him Kecik since I don't want the older/ bigger Chubby to be jealous. x)

Who would have thought cats would be jealous too. Haha! Love them all. <3

Song of the day - Cosmetic by SID

Down to my last few strings

2010-09-23T06:11:00.000+08:00

Enough Already!

Pretty much currently I'm in a really bad mood. Various reasons. Not just that but that, that, that and that as well.
Quite lately, I've been wondering.. .where on earth are my rights, my freedom of doing things gone to?
Work are piling up and I'm having a hard time keeping up to it.
My mood swings adds to the problem.
My irritation is ever so expending.
Panic attacks that I never had before comes and go as it please lately.
My laziness is constant.
My loneliness is breaking me piece by piece. Gosh, how I wish I can live a life like a loner.
I've feel like I've failed many people.
Why must I be so nice when I know I feel otherwise.

Why must I think twice before I write?
Why am I so afraid of hurting people's feelings when I'm hurting myself even more?
Why can't I be honest sometimes?

Simple. Life is not simple. Get a clue.

Like for real. I can't say what I really want to say. T__T
Fine I'll just say it.

Dude, don't dare think that you know me. You don't.
So you pretty much broke my last nerve that I had. So be it.
Don't ask why. It's my own personal reasons.
No use asking anyone else because its futile.
Though I'm told not to be rude, but I'm pretty much annoyed.
I'm quite pissed off and you caught me at the wrong time.
Your problem not mine.
Go figure.

Down to my last few strings. I wonder how I will hold up?
God, please grant me strength.

Song at the moment... any song that fits my mood at the moment.
**I tend to be very destructive whenever I'm pissed. Just broke a pretty pin. Gomen~

Tora!

2010-09-17T06:14:00.019+08:00

Happy Birthday Tora!
Though he looks like a yakuza, but actually he's pretty much a dork. xD
He's a sweet and kind fella who love spending time with his friends. x)
Otanjoubi Omedetto! :)

Eid Mubarak!

2010-09-14T00:23:00.000+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!~

Maaf Zahir & Batin.

For Real

2010-09-08T06:12:00.000+08:00

Most of the time, finding out something unexpected is interesting. But sometimes, finding out something that is the least of your expectation can trouble you. Might trouble you probably. But it sure troubled me... till now.

"I'm going to see you one of these days so, how should I react to the drastic changes that had happened till now?"

First I though it was another matter that pushed this person to take the decision that they made a few months back. But now I am prone to think otherwise since I found out something else. Scary no? I'm not really sure what to think. Its either I stick with my first choice which was to be ignorant and bless this person with whatever choice this person had taken and let everything lay low and keep on ignoring. Yes, I can be very evil at times when I truly believe its non of my business.

Or... should I get my curiosity kicking and dig out the real truth behind the mask that I've been ignoring? Though at this moment, I think I shouldn't. It might scar whatever had been scared before and maybe this time, my perspective of this person will change forever. Having said that... I have a feeling that it might not change at all. But the way I might interact with this person will be way~ different from before. Seeing that now, the both of us are on different levels.

I, for now will leave it as it is. I know what I have found is possible; as my calculation couldn't be wrong unless its too early that is. Hey~ how close am I to your reason for before? Probably... I'm way~ off the track at this moment? I wouldn't know.

Seriously, curiosity is interesting. Finding out things are amazing sometimes. But sometimes too... curiosity takes you to a whole different level which will challenge your perspective on people/ life/ etc. Its your choice on how you want to look at it- either in a good way or a bad way, and still, it will change something within you, even just a little. Because, when you discover something, you tend to think about it. Probably. Some people choose to ignore the new discovery and move on. To think, to take action or simply... to take ignore. Which one?

In life your path is laid in particular way, but when you discover something new, you get a detour- sometimes more than one. Its unknown whether you can turn back or not... make the choice and then only you will know. From one detour to another. How deep are you in this forest is not a matter... until you mess up that is.
Silence is said to be golden. Ignore?

So, which detour should I take now?
What matter the most now.

By the way you, congrats~
A new life, a new meaning I hope. :)
May God bless you~

Put it on shuffle x)

2010-09-07T23:56:00.032+08:00

My song list is totally leaning over towards Japanese music more these days. All I've been feeding my mp3 player are Japanese songs. All I've been hearing is Japanese music. Huh~ the wonders of Japanese music... how do they influence you to listen to them? o.O

My latest addition... the GazettE! x))

It all started when I listened to Shiver; the OP for Kuroshitsuji Season 2. When their 'Shiver' single came out, I took the opportunity to listen to the single... and dude~ I loved every single beat of 'Naraku' and 'Hesitating Means Death'. After awhile, I decided to ask my dear good friend Nadriel and my dear sweet twin Sam to help me get to know more about the GazettE. And now, I'm officially bound to the spell of the GazettE. To put it in a metaphoric way that is. xD

I then develop a new motto-- NEVER SAY NEVER. Literally, never say never, cause in the end, you'll end up liking the things you denied liking before. I remembered it clearly, I told myself that I will NEVER like or listen to Jrock. Huh, seems pretty convincing at first but after awhile, after indulging into the world of anime again, after diving into the world of Japanese music, after becoming a fangirl of Alice Nine, look where I am now. totally deep into the world of Jrock world. xD

So, Never say... Never!

Picture taken from - jpopfun.com

From the left: Aoi, Reita, Ruki, Kai, Uruha

Song of the day - Filth in the Beauty by the GazettE

Not as sweet as sweets

2010-09-05T22:28:00.000+08:00

Skip the ranting over not updating my blog for a month now. Lol.

Hi! Yes it has been awhile since I blogged… Now I’m here to make up the long lost events that happened throughout the month of August till now. 8D

Went to Sold Out restaurant in celebration of Christy’s 18th birthday
Went to Italiannies restaurant in celebration of Ivan’s 20th birthday
First ever assignment for the semester is done and handed in.
Assignments are ever piling up
There are 2 video competitions. Which are currently pushed aside to make way for the ever-so-rising stack of assignments.
Alice Nine released their latest single ‘Senkou’ on the 25th
Loving all the songs coming from the single ‘Senkou’.
Matsushita Yuya released his 6th single ‘Bird/4 Seasons’ on the 25th
Yuya’s song ‘L.o.L.’ [which is not a laughing matter] is a beautiful song. ‘Bird’ is a very moving song and ‘4 Seasons’ made people want to jump up and dance. x)
The Matsushita Yuya facebook fan page has reached 3000 members! x))
Starting to love the GazettE! [Took me a very long time.]
Went to INTI Nilai. Had a virtual Reality talk there; something about business, or something connected to that.
Raya is just around the corner.
Found my ex-classmate/schoolmate in facebook. Seems he’s still new on facebook. Wonders if he knows I’ve already found out about him having a facebook account. :P
Just baked cookies today. Not really satisfied with the result but oh well, what’s done is done. The taste is nice. xD
Oh yeah. I missed Asaban Festival!!!! D8 Not good! Must go to CF!

So here’s the short-point-form version of my update. xD

Song of the day – Le Grand Bleu by Alice Nine

No matter how simple it is, there's always a roadblock

So it begins~ x)

2010-08-02T23:35:00.072+08:00

So, I'll be studying one subject more than anyone else. Great no? I've been hoping to sit for 6 subjects this semester, and yes, I'll be sitting for 6 subjects this semester.

Well, it might make me a little more occupied compared to last time, but there's nothing I can do about it. If I want to get my diploma according to the timeline, then I have to make sacrifices. x)

No worries, since I love learning about Islam. :) Though I'm told to only just pass as the grade for this subject won't affect my CGPA, but heck, I love this subject, why not just ace it. ;)

So right, class for today starts very early in the morning. When I got to class, turned out that my Ms. Cheryl was on MC. Huh, great no class in the morning, then we'll just wait for.... right, We had 2 classes with Ms. C today too, and the class is at 12 pm. So, 2 class cancelled and our final class for today is at 4 pm....

8 HOURS at college before the next class. Should have gone home when I had the chance. Lol.

Since I had to register for Islamic Studies class, I decided to stay back and get the thing sorted out. It only takes a few moments and I was done. After that, I was practically had nothing to do. So I hung out with Su Wern, Kok Han and Ivan. Then Carlyn came and join us. x) and then.... I read the book I brought along. So, nothing much really happened. (/=w=)/

During our last class; Creative Communication Production class, there were only... the 4 of us. xD So, Ms. Elly and the 4 of us talked about different stuff. Not sure what started it all. But the topic was really... interesting nonetheless. x)

Something bothered me when I got home today. Fear overcome me for awhile. Fear of losing things or people that are so precious to you. Once in a while, you would just feel this kind of fears. All the faults that you made suddenly comes into mind. Suddenly you're aware of everything that you said or do that might hurt someone. You don't care if they notice these mistakes, you'll just feel guilty and then fear overcomes you. Fear of losing those are precious to you. Fear of losing people's trust, friendship...

Makes you realise how little you are in this world. And it also makes you realise other things about yourself. Makes you realise that you've changed.

The fear is still there as nothing can be done (For now?). No one is perfect and nothing is perfect, and life can be unpredictable like it always do. Anything can happen. Probably be true to yourself and face the challenges head on will do the trick... :)

Doki~ Doki~ something struck me. Am just looking around. x)

Song of the day - Naraku by the GazettE

I flipped the page to an empty page~

2010-08-01T22:57:00.023+08:00

Its the month of August! (Already? *watches the time pass by....* sure is fast)
Hello new month and hello new semester! 2 weeks of holiday has ended and yet again, I failed to do anything productive. Bravo~

Besides reading books and using photoshop, I pretty much did nothing. After the final exam ended for last semester, I missed Bon Odori (again.). My friends went on a holiday together, I had no choice but not to tag along (Certain issues held me back)... the whole family went down to JB to visit my Grandma and we all did some gardening (It was raining Rambutans. Lol!) and.... ??? Oh, we went shopping for Raya. 8D

Ramadhan is coming soon- just around the corner actually, and we've done clothes shopping so that we won't get caught up during the actually Raya shopping season. I actually love Puasa (Fasting). :) From dusk till dawn, we refrain from eating and drinking for all the muslims, but once azan for Maghrib is sound, we are allowed to break our fast. :)
Yeah, the best part for me is that, when we sahur (when we eat before dusk to prepare for fast later during the day) we eat together with our family or friends. With the sandman dust still on our eyelids, we eat together. And at the end of the day; when we break our fast, we eat together with family or friends. :D

So yeah, basically I can't wait for Puasa! xD

I wonder how will I survive this semester. Supposedly if everything goes according to plan, I should be taking 6 subjects this semester. Since I missed out on studying Islamic Studies in Semester 3, I am hoping to sit for the subject this semester. :) By God's will.
And by the looks of it, there's going to be a lot of writing this semester. O__O There's a few changes too. Seems that a few of us are being separated from our original class. Last time when we registered, it was First-come-First-serve kind of thing when we were split into 2 different class. Now we're being split into 2 different classes even before we registered (by lecturers decision). And the real reason for this change is... not really that clear. So we're hoping for some thorough explanation in our first class later. :|

I baked a cake a few days ago after a very long hiatus. xD (Random)
I also fixed my bicycle. xD (double random)
Oh before I forgot! My brother's girlfriend's sister bought me Matsushita Yuya I AM ME album! 8D
And~~ Sam My Twin is teaching me Japanese! I will be in your care. :)

So err... its a so not so productive holiday. xD
*finally! I've updated my blog. xP
by the way... the picture above was taken when I went to Bukit Tinggi with my friends. ;)

Song of the day - 4 Seasons by Matsushita Yuya (A summer song! Listen to the song! :D )

Leader! Nao-sama!

2010-07-31T20:35:00.006+08:00

Happy Birthday Nao~ :)

Shou!

2010-07-05T20:38:00.000+08:00

Nadriel told me that Shou looks pretty in The Beautiful Name PV. xD
So, this picture took awhile to be found. lol.
Anyway~
Happy Birthday Shou. :)

Sagachii!

2010-06-24T20:42:00.005+08:00

Sagaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~ xD
Tanjoubi Omedetou! x)))

Signed, Sealed, Delivered. Received.

2010-06-08T11:07:00.003+08:00

You won't know what the picture means unless you've been to Yuya Matsushita Facebook Fan Page. :D
This picture was taken from Matsushita Yuya Official Blog. ;))

I'm still in shock. No matter how many hours since I first saw this picture, no matter how many times I look at this picture, no matter how many times i think about it, I still can't get the fact that the present that we made for Yuya-san for his 20th birthday is actually in his hands now. Oh my gosh, my body was trembling when I saw the picture- plastered on the official blog. O.O

If you go a few post back - 23rd May 2010 - I posted something about a messy table filled with cards, letters and wishes from fans from 26 countries from all around the world. All those things; cards, letters and wishes are for Yuya-san for his 20th birthday and all those wishes are compiled in a book. That black book with the blue ribbon around it. :DD The book Yuya-san is holding. Yes! That book.

Gosh, it felt like receiving my SPM results again. Though I did not cry like I did a year ago, but hey, I was shaking so badly that I kept making typos. Plus, I wasn't able to see properly. xD
So what's the book about? How it started? I shall unwrap it now. ^^

Back when I was still a fresh admin for the Facebook fan page, I had an idea that I kept to myself for a couple of months before posting it up. I kept thinking and planning the whole idea in my head; though 1 idea was not enough, I thought of others, so that the other fans have some choices to make.

The idea that I had had something to do with Yuya-san's 20th Birthday. So, after much planning and talking to myself about it and actually falling asleep thinking about it, I proposed the ideas on the fan page. Since Yuya-san is turning 20 this year, debut album was going to be released on the 2nd of June, 5 single releases, 2 Kuroshitsuji the musical appearances, sang ending song for Durarara!! Songs for movies, appearance in a movie... wow, major break through. Oh, and of course, the One Man Tour. :DD

Its a big year. And I wanted to do something special for Yuya-san. I wanted to do something with other fans all around the world. Something that will truly make Yuya-san happy. :DD
So, I proposed the birthday project and we hit off with people opinions on the proposal and a vote on which idea to be commence as the official first project for the fan page. ^^

At that time too, I made a friend. That's the time I first got to know - now known as my twin! xD - Sam. :3
We discussed about the project, and after a while, we decided to work together to make the project possible. :)

The idea was, we compile cards, wishes and letters from fans in the fan page, and we will compile them in a book. And after compiling them and making the book look presentable (prefect), we will send it to Japan, to Yuya-san. :DD

A month before Yuya-san's birthday, we made the rules and guides for the project and post it up on the fan page. It was a slow response from fans. *Note, fans at that time have reached 900 fans and almost nearing 1000. There were complications, but in the end, we managed to get a hundred over emails from fans in 26 different countries. :DD

Though compared to the real amount of the fans visible in the page, we only received 10% of participants for the project. Oh well, its a start right? ;) Maybe on the next project we'll get more participants. :DD

Sam and I set a date to meet up to make the book. We had to cancel our original meet up due to an unavoidable situation, and we decided to meet up the following week. So, that is where the post on the 23rd of May came in. Yuya-san's birthday is on the 24th of May, but we've already post a temporary card to Yuya-san via email, through Naoki-san who actually confirmed with us that we can mail the book to Yuya-san. :DD

By the 27th, everything is done. It is signed, sealed and delivered. All we had to do now is wait for respond or a simple sign that says the book is already in Japan and in Yuya-san's hand. Since we used DHL, we can track down on when and where the package has gone. So it reached Japan on following day that the package was posted in DHL. Trust me, it burnt a hole in our pockets. And I still owe Sam. ^^''

Then Sam tracked down the package through U_Staff twitter. After a few tries, Sam asked them in Japanese and we got a respond! They said they're giving it to Yuya-san. :DD After that, everything went silent. And on the 2nd of June, I AM ME was released to the market. \(^o^)/

So, the news about the book went silent for a week but today(7/6/2010), a photo was posted in the official blog and it's a picture of Yuya-san holding the book! I was actually making a quick check on the blog before going to the kitchen to grab my dinner, but when I saw the post, my initial idea was postponed. xD
Yeah, it reached him! I'm happy. We're happy. :DD

It's our first official project with the fans all around the world. :DD I would really love to thank my twin! Sam for helping out on this project. Dude, without you, I don't think I can manage the project myself. :)) And without you laa, I don't think we could've gotten that much entry; even though we only got a hundred plus entries for the book. :) THANKS SO MUCH SAM!

Thanks to Naoki-san for all the help you gave us; from confirming with us about the mailing address and to receiving and passing the present to Yuya-san for all of us, :DD Naoki-san Arigatou gozaimasu!! Thanks to your assistant for picking up the package. :DD

To the U_Staff! Thanks for the awesome job you guys done! :DD Thanks for passing the present to Yuya-san as well as surprising us with the picture of Yuya-san holding the book. ^^ Domo arigatou!

And to the fans and friends in the fan page, thanks so much for making the project possible!!! Arigatou!!! ^^

Haha, Yuya-san, I really hope you will have an awesome time reading the book. ^^ Thanks for being a wonderful artist. We'll keep on supporting you! And now we're currently trying to win you the top post in music.biglobe. :DD

It's like I've just won an Oscar. xD
So what's next? Another birthday present project perhaps? ;))

Song of the day- Kiss Me by Matsushita Yuya

I AM ME

2010-06-02T23:10:00.036+08:00

Today, on the 2nd of June 2010, Matsushita Yuya releases his debut album - his first album - I AM ME.
Congratulations Yuya-san! \(^o^)/
Contains 18 tracks - including all his previous singles - a mixture of ballad, R&B, dance, this album delivers everything that Yuya-san have experienced within his 20 years of growing up in Japan and walking down the road towards where he is now today. :))

I'm not much of a critic, and I may be bias. But to me, his music is simply the best. Not a crooner, but his voice is so easy to fall for. It might just be me, but hey, that's what I felt when I first listen to Honesty when I accidentally discovered him. :))
I want to see the world that he sees. And that's why I'll do whatever it takes to buy his album. :D

Song of the day - Honesty by Matsushita Yuya

A Passion to be Different

2010-05-25T22:30:00.075+08:00

Recently, I've been posting a lot of pictures in here.
Not because I find it amusing and purposely wasted my phone battery and my time taking these pictures...
I figure that a picture worth a thousand words and they tell you part of the story visually. (^.^)

Basically, my page is white and dull and I need to put up some images to ease up the plainness a little. But my first reason ain't wrong either. :DD

As you can see, that's my topic for my research paper. Today, my problem statement is finally accepted (Yes!) after days contemplating the matter in my head ever since last week and I finally woke up today and at the same time trying to get back to sleep- since class starts at 10 a.m. and I'm lacking of sleep as it is since the night before I've been looking at ads, ads, ads until about... some time early in the morning and thus panda eyes forming around my eyes- I finally got my brain working this morning and I managed to restructure my objectives for the research paper and made it easier for me to construct the problem statement. :DD

Then I went to sleep and was woken up by a nightmare. To me it was but to Su Wern it wasn't. Bumping into my old crush in my dream scared me and in the dream, I tried avoiding him. Even Nadriel was in the dream, and she helped me to hide myself from the said fella. I'm not sure what's my head is getting me into but it has been more than a year since the last time I saw him - I saw his brother at my high school's Best Achievement Ceremony earlier this month- The last time I saw him was when our SPM result came out. And at that time, it was the last time I talked to him. Hmm... I wonder what is he up to?

So, my topic for my research paper is about Visual Kei and J-Rock. I'm actually curious about Visual Kei though I know what it is - I got loads of info about them through Nadriel... she's full of these stuff, I'm amazed :DD- and J-Rock is just another music genre - Japanese + Rock = J-Rock.

Before this, I was never interested in J-Rock and I often wonder why on earth is Nadriel and Kim are so interested with that kind of music and style? Why are they squealing about guys who most of the times look like the opposite gender?! What's so great about them?! My God! What kind of music is that?!

Alas I said I will never like these kind of things - at that time I was such a huge fan of The Rasmus, not as much now but still listens to them once in a while - having said that, now I'm one of them. I listen to J-Rock, I salute and respect Visual Kei tread and I looked at the people with awe as to how passionate they are into their style. Some are plainly outrageous but dude... it looks awesome. I'm even jealous of the guys who looks prettier than me. O.O

So, basically, my research is on these people, and I have to find information about this tread as well. There's a shop in KL that sells these type of clothes. I've been there before once and I was amazed. The things they sell... wow. The prices also...wow. xD I guess, I'll just look from a far and stare at the shop. xD

During Comic Fiesta last year as well, I saw a number of people wearing these types of clothes. Though not many ,but there are people who dares to wear them.

What's so nice about J-rock? It's the music. It's the lyrics. Though its in Japanese, there are translations out there. Just use the wonders of the internet and look up for the translations. The words that they used in the lyrics are so deep and meaningful. So, it's not a wonder to me why I love listening to J-rock.

I'm also a fan of J-pop and J-R&B.. but haha, there's only one J-R&B singer that I love listening to and it's Matsushita Yuya. For J-Pop, I just love the synchronization of the twins in On//Off; Sakamoto Kazuya and Sakamoto Naoya.

J-Rock? Hee~~ Alice Nine, SID, VAMPS, Miyavi (rediscovering), Gackt (Rediscovering). It's a little hard for me to listen to the GazettE, since I'm still a newbie in the J-Rock world, so... now I need some recommendations of songs from the GazzettE that's err... okay for me to listen. xDD

I'll update about my progress soon. If not here, the at my class blog. xD

Song of the day - One Way by SID

Happy Birthday Matsushita Yuya!!

2010-05-24T21:05:00.018+08:00

The title/picture says everything. :DD

Happy Birthday Yuya-san! \(^o^)/

Will update soon about a project I made with Sam and the rest of Yuya Matsushita Facebook Fan Page. :)

Marmalade...~~

2010-05-23T20:41:00.043+08:00

I'm supposed to do research for my research paper, but at the same time I had to complete something that I started about 3-4 weeks ago.

Yeah, the table is pretty messed up with papers and such. Well, the papers are actually cards and wishes that Sam and I compiled from people in 26 countries. ;))

So the story from how it started to how it ended up like that will be continued when this thing is sent and received. We just hope it will get to the person in mind. :))

Apparently, when I listened to the song So Sick, it would only make my mind think of another song called Foolish Foolish. xDD

Song of the day - Foolish Foolish by Matsushita Yuya

I thought of some things- partly about my interest and mostly about my possible future carriers and overall my dreams.

I'm quite confused thus I need more time to come up with the answers for some of these thoughts. I need to concentrate on the important stuff and not get distracted with something that will only delay me now. Since now I have 3 major subjects that I seriously need to score! (O.O)!!

Need facts on Visual Kei. xDD

For The Fun of It

2010-05-21T23:47:00.063+08:00

These pictures were taken during the evening today. I was on my way back from college and the roads were jammed with vehicles.

Today stories? Nothing special. xD

Except for the fact I spent more than an hour at the printing shop waiting for my document to be printed out. Seems the printer has a limited space of memory...

Since my file was too big, the printer didn't managed to print out 40 pages of coloured document.

After much testing and changing computers, the documents were able to be printed out. Woah~ Thank God. :DD

I was actually ticked off by a guy but then all my frustration, stress... creating a huge mess in my head... I was revived back with a song and video by Matsushita Yuya. 8DD

Wait for his album that's coming out on the 2nd of June. :) Then buy it and listen to it. xD

Song of the day: Eraser by Alice Nine

The Journey That Makes You Wonder

2010-05-20T22:03:00.061+08:00

Travelling far to the south
I'm watching the art of clouds
Painting themselves on the blue sky
Wondering the possibilities to reach out
To reach out to the skies
To hold your hands
For the first time

Sometimes I dig deep into my thoughts

To wonder about your presence

Often, I'll wipe my tears away

Trying my hardest to find comfort

That is hardly achieved

Sing to me with your silent voice

How I wished it wasn't a dream

But loneliness brought me back

Back to reality

You were already gone before I was born

I have never met you

And I wish I had

Never have I seen your face

Nor have I heard your voice

I can't lie anymore

I miss you

The one that was never here

This dream of mine

May not come true when I'm alive

But I know we will meet one day

Only God knows when

And this is my present to you

I will find you in the end.

This poem above is dedicated to my late sister. Born and gone from the world on this date. Rest in peace onee-chan. :)

**this poem was written 3 years ago. I was on my down to JB... thus, the name and the first few stanzas tells the story of the time I wrote this poem.

Hope you enjoyed it. :))

Song of the day - No ni Saku Hana no Yo Ni by Gackt

Ocean Waves In The Afternoon Sky

2010-05-19T23:40:00.027+08:00

God painted the ocean waves up above in the skies

I don't have anything particular to talk about in this post. :)

So I'll just leave it at that. I want to share what I saw today. And today I saw the ocean waves.

Painted across the skies

Calm and beautiful.

Song of the day - The Truth by Kris Allen

Blue Planet

2010-05-18T22:32:00.094+08:00

< Evening Rain Behind Tinted Glasses

Kowai yo~~
It was raining then- I was waiting by the window for my lecturer to finish talking to my friends during class- and I saw this image through the tinted windows of my classroom.

I don't know why, but I always get excited when I see something like this. Take out my camera phone and snap a picture and snap again to get a better picture.

I'm writing regularly! Yeay!

Actually, I have to do a little research on PR cases- got sidetracked- but I'll update first before I bury myself into the depths of the thickest pile of information gathered.

Music Culture: J-Rock and Visual Kei is a go! My lecturer approved my objective for the topic I picked- arigatou Shino-dono and Ivan-sama! I have yet to list down one more objective if possible. Not that one objective is not enough, but if I have two, then I can cover a lot of things that are related to J-Rock and Visual Kei. Miss said its an interesting topic- thus she also said This girl aa, everything Japanese- so, I'll do whatever it takes to make this research paper an awesome one! Like my Media Issues research paper... interesting topic. :DD *Dude~~ This research paper is 100% [20% presentation, 80% research paper] I really need to focus on this!!*

So~~ my targeted interview victims... you'll be stalked and prompted with countless (a dozen or so) questions when the time comes. >8DD Namely Nadriel, Kimmie, Sam, Raz, Zarul... and a few others. xD

*Suddenly there a lot of students in college.* o.O

I think I will enjoy advertising... :DD except for the part where I heard that one of the assignments is to advertise ourselves. Heck! I'm never good at taking pictures of myself let alone advertise myself...!! O_O
I prefer taking pictures of others and capture candid moments. xD

Now... back to work!

Song of the day - Blue Planet by Alice Nine
*The title for the entry is just random and got nothing to do with this entry xD... except for the J-Rock part. \(^o^)/*

Another Box of Dilemmas

2010-05-17T16:03:00.084+08:00

I captured that moment last semester during one of my 8 o'clock classes. I don't have any reason why I took the picture- I thought the early morning looked pretty and soft I had to take it- a good reason enough.

My first day of college ended a little messed up. Not that I screwed put in class or anything but a little messed up. I'll get back at that later. So classes went well; except for the last one where I was barely listening cause I was helping the lecturer with something. My mind at that time I was torn between concentrating on the work I was asked to helped with and thinking about what just happened a while ago before I entered the class.

For my first class; Research Paper class, we were told to think of a topic- by right we should have thought about it during the holidays but I can't seem to grasp on anything because I was not sure what kind of topic the lecturer wants us to work on- so I randomly pick a topic off my head and the first thing that came up was anime. Since I'm doing something that's very tough, I should pick a topic I should like right. Then again, I was not sure. After standing a few minutes in front of the white board, hard on my head on what to choose, Su Wern and Ivan saved my life by saying J-Pop. If I can do J-Pop, then J-rock and Visual Kei won't be a problem right? But then again, how am I supposed to get the data? What angle am I supposed to look at? I was thinking how these genre music created awesome fashion threads and how their fashion affect the culture. But which culture? Malaysian or Japanese? If I pick Japanese... get me a Japanese translator, a ticket to Japan, expenses and a place to stay in Japan. But if I pick Malaysian as my target people, I could ask the people who are fans of these genre. For example Nadriel. She's a fan of J-rock. Or Sam, she's a J-pop and J-rock fan. Besides focusing on the fashion, what else can I research on? I was thinking on doing a quantitative research, so that I can do in dept with my topic. Or maybe I should change my topic and go for anime and research on how it effects culture- basically how it influences the mind of the viewers or how cosplay influences the fashion trend. Though Su Wern said it's not new anymore in the world of research. Other than that, I could do a research on American TV dramas and how it affects Malaysian culture. I'm still contemplating, so hopefully by Friday, I will have a topic to focus on. The J-pop/J-rock/Visual Kei research is really hard to let go. Meaning I really want to do the research- meaning I have to figure out the answers to my questions quickly- meaning (again?!) I have to seek my lecturer's advice! >.<

So that's my dilemma at the moment. In the other class, in my PR class, I don't know what happened. So, I need to ask around later. xDD

I'm not supposed to think too much about it. Because it got nothing to do with me. But if I don't think about it, won't be a bad friend? But if i think about, I only will affect me more. A little confusing but I'm clueless on what to think about this situation. O.o

So... what's the end story? I don't know. It's raining! Yeay! :DD Dry season is here~~

Song of the day - Hallucination by Matsushita Yuya

**will update about the Matsushita Yuya news I promised in the last post. ;D

Now let me get back to the top. After my Research Paper classes ended, Ivan turned around and told me about a certain friend of ours is not coming back to college as he is going to the overseas to study. My heart skip a beat. Literally. So he won't be in our class anymore. I thought okay. He's decision, not mine. I don't mind. I really don't. I'll smack him later if I see him for not coming to college and tell everyone. And I'll tell him I hate him... I really do since he did this to us... so yeah, I pretty much spill how much it did effect me. It's not supposed to effect me in any kind of way. I mean really, it's not supposed to turn out this way. I should just go and confront him and ask him why the freakin' ell' did you tell us?! and tell him to take care. As a friend. :))

A Dream With A Wisdom

2010-05-17T02:10:00.000+08:00

Three weeks of semester break sure passed by quickly. And just last night, I dream't of running around looking for a book to study for my school exam. What a way of waking up to the world with a nightmare of the probability of failing my exam. I asked my friends what's the subject we're taking for the exam, I kept on having flashbacks on what I did the night before the day of the exam, I kept on running around to find a solution. But in that dream, I kept on thinking It's okay, just do it like you always do meaning to say I should just put common sense as my answers and try to remember what I have learnt in class. At that time, my exam was either Islamic Studies or History- And I kept on dreaming about school- so I ran around my neigbourhood to find my mum's car that supposedly have my book on the passenger seat. Who would have thought I have the strength to run that much. When I woke up from that dream, I started to think It's Sunday. College starts tomorrow. I still got time to relax... and heck I'm in college! So the whole running around trying to find a book for last minute study for a school subject was only a nightmare.

But thinking about the whole dream now makes me wonder, what if I really woke up with the time running short and my exam is in a few hours and I haven't touch my notes or textbooks? I would probably panicked and start forcing myself to remember terms, facts and steps that would normally take hours to remember each of them. I would frantically start mumbling nonsense and trying my hardest to keep myself calm. I would probably just lie down and cry my eyes out for being such an idiot for not studying days before the exam. Just enter the exam hall and face my doom of failing the paper. Yippie! (-__-'')

So, this new semester I'm going to embark in, this new semester I'm going yet again challenge myself in, semester 4- a short one to be precise- a semester where I'll try my best to achieve the best results I have ever gotten before... not saying that I'm that bad, mind you.... I'll keep my mind straight, no dilly dallying. I'm going to prove to myself that I can do it! :DD

Yeah, words of encouragement for myself. :D

It's funny and yet pathetic of me to always encourage myself to do things but at the same time, I would bring myself down. It's a horrible personality and I would like to get rid of it. I'm indecisive, thus I can't really decide on things on my one. I always need assurance. But at the same time, I'm competitive. People don't see it but I am. Lol~

What I'm trying to tell myself is that, in the new semester, I should try harder since last semester wasn't that good- looking at the results- but I had fun in semester 3. New challenges popped up back then and I really enjoyed the time trying to overcome the challenges. Though at times I kept on meeting dead ends, I will tugged the string that kept me from getting lost and back track to where I went wrong. I will always find something to entertain myself and keep myself relax. So this semester should be a little bit different. I should try keeping relax and serious times balanced. I should train myself not to push everything till the very end thus creating last minute work and study panda eyes. I should take care of myself better too. :))

Oh, and what have I achieved throughout the whole 3 weeks of no assignments, tests, projects and classes? Nothing. Free as it may sound, I've been lazy and I regretted that. I was supposed to do the things in my list but I never did. A list is a list and I tend to ignore it no matter how many times I reminded myself to look at it and do the things I wrote in it. Oh well, the holiday have pass and the new semester begins now. So good luck to me and hope I have another awesome time in college! Ganbarimasu!! \(^o^)/

There's something I want to mention but the time is now 2 hours into the 17th of May and I should be sleeping. Haha! It's about Matsushita Yuya and a certain facebook fan page. ;)) When I'm done with it or whenever I have the time, I'll update about it. :DD

Song of the day - Sleepwalker by Alice Nine

You!

2010-05-05T20:30:00.128+08:00

Yeah, as the picture/card above says...
To Matsushita Yuya! Congratulation on your new single release!

Now all of the fans are waiting for the next big one. Yuya-san's debut album 'I AM ME' will be released on the 2nd of June 2010. So, it's less than a month away; right now I'm working out on how to get it. Haha!
In the 5th Single 'You', there's the song itself 'You', You (instrumental) and Hallucination.

The song Hallucination is actually a song for Kuroshitsuji second Musical - The Most Beautiful DEATH in The World - Death of a thousand souls and fallen. (Open now in Japan)

Sebastian Michaelis, the main character of the manga/anime/musical, is again being portrayed by Yuya-san. I was blown away by the first musical. Though I don't understand Japanese, I still watched it and enjoyed it. So, that is why I'll do whatever it takes to master the language, so the language won't be a barrier for me to enjoy Japanese anime/manga/drama/movie/musical... etc.

Thus the songs are just nice done. 'You' strikes out like you're being followed and then you're being pull into the song with strong desire and feelings. With the dark tempo, fast beat, and that alluring voice of Yuya-san's, I don't think the word 'enough' is never enough. xD
For Hallucination; again, Yuya-san pulled me to pieces with this song. It's just pretty. Like the song Futari (Two of Us) and Last Snow, this ballad is just wonderful. It's not too little nor too much, it's just right.

Here's the thing, I'm always falling down even deeper into his songs because of one particular thing; his voice. It's not like his stressing on his vocals or lacking any emotions in the songs, but it's just like, the feeling flows naturally with his voice into the songs. Maybe it's just me, but hey, don't take my word for it. Have a listen to Matsushita Yuya when you have the time. =)

So, this post is dedicated to him. A congratulation post actually. (^-^) A singer and a dancer. He's turning 20 this month and having said that, it's a big year for him; debut album coming out, I AM ME tour, his second musical, his 4th and 5th singles... and who knows what else lies for him in the remaining months before 2010 ends. =D

Yuya-san! You deserve it all with all the hard work you've put in so far. So, keep on doing what you love; dancing/singing/acting... and hope you'll have a great year! Don't stop wishing on eternal stars! =)
Have a great time, take care and have fun always. (^-^)

Keep a look out for the debut album 'I AM ME' releasing on the 2nd of June 2010!!

Song of the day - You by Matsushita Yuya~

Sometimes I Forgot to Mention. That's it.

2010-05-04T05:28:00.118+08:00

It's the second week of my term break and thus it's the month of May. Oh God, time is moving very fast, like the river current during the rainy season. Talking about rivers, when was the last time I dipped and relax both of my feet in one?

So it's May already. Oh before moving on with my once-in-a-while updates (I don't know how many times I wrote this but I'm still trying to write every day but ending up not doing it.), I would like to wish Pauli Rantasalmi from the band The Rasmus, a Happy Birthday! (1/5/2010) Ermm, how old is he...? (Calculating...) Oh! He's 31 this year! And this just hit my head like a concrete because I just remembered that Lauri Ylonen's birthday has passed too! >.<

To Lauri Ylonen~ Happy belated birthday! (23/4/2010) Yeah, his birthday is the same as Yika Yiku. (^^) So everyone in The Rasmus will turn 31 this year, and they are now in the jamming studios doing band practice for their up coming summer concerts and soon they'll get in the recording studio and record another album. Talk about a long time not hearing from them. Their last album was a compilation album of the best of The Rasmus from the year 2001 until 2009. Oh yeah! They now have a facebook account that is controlled by the guys themselves. (^-^)

So moving on from the party hat. I've just gotten my results for the semester. Did I write about how I think I screwed my Marketing paper in the last few post? Well, I've gotten my results and common sense worked for marketing! Just that my Digital Image Editing isn't looking that pretty between the other results; I only know how to abuse my photoshop tools and not explaining on how to use them or what they do. Let alone explaining it to people. It will take me a while to make sense to people. I like teaching but I'm lacking of the skill. Haha~ When I talk, I don't just say the point, I'll make the a whole story from it. Lol~

Other than that, I'm teaching myself Japanese. Since I've been babbling about it for some time now, now I'm on a holiday, now I have the time; joined Su Wern planting mushrooms, why not challenge myself. So far I'm teaching myself Hiragana; how to pronounce and how to write the characters. It's a little difficult since I've been speaking and writing alphabets all my life and now my brain have to work on new unknown characters? Yeah, it will take some time for me to remember the characters, but whatever it takes, I'll try my best in mastering the calligraphy and language. Ganbari masu!~

For the Mas MH Competition; basically a competition where students from colleges around Malaysia can join in and send in their video about Malaysian Hospitality (in their point of view) has finally list/upload the previously Top 10 turned to Top 13 on their website. And guess what...!!! We didn't get a spot. Bittersweet it sounds, but we don't really care whether we get it or not. If we were too, woah, what an honor! But luck was not on our side, so live and let live okay! :D

For the sake of getting the exposure, we tried our best; actually it was a last minute decision- literally last minute, we made a simple video about what I think is the most simplest but the sweetest Malaysian Hospitality; Smile~ Hey, went someone smiles at you, unknowingly you will smile back; unless the wind blows and your face got stuck with that grumpy look. Anyhow, we tried, not our luck and life goes on. NothingBox! Look out for more competition! Who knows what will happen then. :)

Okay, before I continue on with my empty schedule... Tanjobi Omedetto Hiroto!!! The picture below is dedicated to him; guitarist of the band Alice Nine.

So... have a great day Hiroto! <3

Song of the day - Eraser by Alice Nine

Close One Door, Open Another

2010-04-27T16:48:00.118+08:00

It is safe to say that Semester 3 has officially ended. But I'm not sure if my nightmare has ended as well. Simply put, I didn't do that well in the finals. I think I screwed up my marketing exam. Oh well, a lesson learned for not focusing on my studies in the first place; not to say that I didn't paid any attention in class; I did, but there are certain times where my mind was not in class but some place else.

Many things happened throughout the whole of semester 3. Had days where you enjoy the day with friends and as well with the lecturers. Also, days where you tried your hardest to not fall asleep in class due to simple boredom or the fact that you didn't get enough sleep the day before. And days where you suddenly realised that it's not your day.

had days where you thought someone looking at you, but when you turned expecting to find no one looking at you but actually someone is looking at you, or is it? The feel that your eyes locked with their eyes, but you quickly turned away to avoid from being discovered that the blood has accumulated around your face; turning you bright red. Days like that, happened occasionally.

Many days, countless hours, gazillion seconds passed by so quickly and now it's the end of semester 3. God knows what I've done throughout the whole semester. Not that I don't remember but now surely, the time is passing by ever so quickly. Semester 4 is coming, So what's going to happen?

So many things to do, but so little time. But at this point of time, I should at least start and see how things will turn out later on. Am not good at keeping the momentum constant; especially when it comes to exercising. It's a wonder, why does everything have to accumulate there of all places?! As a friend said We are girls, so it's normal. Dislike the fact but have to accept the fact.

During the week of my finals, I had this excruciating feeling that made me lose my interest in studying; so instead I lazed around in the day and forced myself to study at night. Most of the time during the whole week, my brain cannot function in the day. For some certain reason, I can't study; only until the very crucial moment where I really need to study or else I would really flunk my exam I can put my brain at work. Talk about being a lazy fella. So yeah, I had a feeling of wanting to smack somebody. At first I don't know why but after the final exams I had time to think for a very long time. The feeling was still bugging me until one day I realised the problem.

Turns out a certain guy whom I knew for such a long time was getting on my nerves at that time. Heck I don't know why; probably because it was exam week and I've been pressuring my brain to focus on understanding things and then I see this guy, somehow it pissed me off. Note: Not Fizzle.

So yeah, that's pretty much what happened at the end of the semester. Not really. After the final paper, a bunch of us went to Pyramid and celebrated Yika Yiku's birthday! She's 19 now! Tanjobi Omedetto Yika! We celebrated at Hartz. Actually, that's the first time I set foot in that restaurant. It's nice actually. Haha! So we ate chicken, we took loads of pictures, I recorded some videos and ate some cake. It was fun! We made a lot of noise. Even the group behind us was celebrating their friend's birthday and when we were signing Yika a a birthday song, they joined along! So sweet of them! =D

I guess that's pretty much what happened towards the end of Semester 3. =D Nothing is predictable and other surprises might pop out of no where in the future. The MH competition Top 10 will be announce soon and I'm a little agitated by the day coming closer and closer. Well, my team did the simplest things, and we did aimed to do it simple. We just wanted to get some exposure. =)

Same goes to Yika's group. Their entry is a funny one! Lol~ I hope both teams will get a spot in the top 10. Anything can happen. Judges are unpredictable. So in the end, we have to wait and see. *prays*

Oh! Matsushita Yuya is releasing his debut album on the 2nd of June 2010!! And his birthday is around the corner too~ The facebook fans are trying to do something special for the special fella for his birthday. Hope it goes well. Yuya-san deserves all the cheering and wishes he gets. His music feels different. To me it is or maybe I'm just ignorant and refuse to listen to other R&B Japanese music. Anyway... his songs sounds different, his voice make me feel different... It's different. His own style is growing and he should keep on making it grow and make people say what he wished people would say..."That's very him."

Matsushita Yuya debut album I AM ME is due to be released on the 2nd June 2010. Calender is as good as marked. Now the problem is how to get it. xD

Song of the day - Butterfly (TV size) by ON/OFF

Just Erase It

2010-04-19T00:22:00.000+08:00

Erase it. Just erase it. Forget it all. Regardless what other people say, you'll eventually find a reason that will seal you away from feeling regret later on. Keep moving forward, you're better than that.

Erase it. I don't want it. Close it. I just want to forget about it.
I want to move forward. I hate staying at one place. Because of my ego, I hate waiting.
I just don't like waiting anymore. Cause once I thought, if I waited, I might have a chance.
Yeah, it's not easy to give up people say. Yeah it's true. But this time it is still early. I'm able to right? So let me forget. Just let me forget.
Let's be honest here. I don't want to be honest. Though I'm told I'll regret. But I don't care anymore.
Cause for once, I don't feel anything. I don't. Better to forget right?
Let me move forward. Let me focus on the important things. Let me find another. Let me be free from clinging onto one feeling. Stop admiring. just look for the key.
This might not make sense so let it be. I just want to forget, the feeling that is slowly growing in me. Let me rip it apart, let me start anew. Let me watch happy endings and let me keep on complaining.
Ah, happy endings. I've been watching them breaking since I got to know that one feeling.
So just let me focus on the important things. I need to achieve my dreams. I want my imaginations to come to life. So let me be.
So I'll stop the feeling. I'll focus on the important things. I will try with all my strength to achieve my dreams. By God's will, I will try to achieve my dreams.

This is something that might make sense and might not. But this is how I feel right now, and it may change. And if it does change, there goes all my ranting. xD

Waiting In A Barrel

2010-04-12T17:28:00.032+08:00

I prepared for the worst. Waiting for the attack from the other side; with aids by my side. As the day grew higher, nothing happened. Literally nothing happened and I only got a signal saying nothing but a normal question and glances that perks my ears like a cat who's curious.

After all the somewhat confessions three nights before, and a fella found out about the secret, the cat was preparing for attacks from the other side. But nothing appear, nothing at all.

Friendly ain't we all? Just act as if nothing happened. But in case something happens in the future, little fuzzy brown cat will knows what's coming.

_-_-_-_-_

Sushi was on the menu yesterday and today. One at Sushi Zanmai and the other is at Sushi King. But at the moment I have craving for Nescafe Coffee. I know, I'm not making any sense. I like writing nonsense when I'm bored. Lol~

Short and simple eyh?

Song of the day : Rainbows - Alice Nine

Time Flies and A Year Older

2010-04-10T07:22:00.000+08:00

I feel the same, though I just turned 19. Have you ever wonder what’s going to happen once you reach the time your age turn into a different higher number? For the past few years, this question keeps on bugging me every time my birthday comes. I keep on asking myself “Am I different or am I still the same? What changed except age? Have I really grown? Am I taller?”

Well now while I wrote those questions above, I kind of answered my own questions with one answer “Lol~ you change with time.” Nothing new just something I forgot. But why don’t I feel the difference? Simple, you can never feel the difference unless you go back in time (as in walk down memory lane) and play back all those ancient tapes in your head and you’ll feel the differences that you’ve been looking for.

This year feels different. Though I have to admit the day didn’t start like any other birthday I had; mostly laid back and simple, because on the day of my birthday, I had 2 project deadlines to meet; short film and marketing presentation. Supposedly I had to finish up the documentation but I fell asleep on the floor. For some reason, the floor in my room looks so comfy and I can lie on it with just pillows for my head. Sleeping on the floor is nice but at the same time, you might wake up with an aching back, neck or shoulder.

So yeah, I fell asleep thus I had to rush in the morning. My short film presentation starts at 12 a.m. and I have class at 10 am. Then there’s my marketing presentation at 4 p.m... Seems a lot of time to spend before the presentations? Wrong! Time passed so fast that day that made me panicked so much I went blank for a while. What a way to spend a birthday. But one thing was at the back of my mind, Sushi for dinner. Yes!

The presentations went well. Many people wished me and I’m grateful. One thing though, I really wanted my friends to surprise me with a cake. I’m not asking for it, but it’s just a feeling and a desire that I wanted because, throughout the times in college, my friends have been surprising other friends with cakes during their birthdays. So I wanted that surprise. But I cannot ask much because, for one, everyone was rushing to finish up their assignments so I had to put aside my feelings and think about my friends who are tired and stressed out. Why make them right? But the feeling kept on pushing, almost until the verge of crying.

After the marketing presentation, I felt the tension releases itself off my shoulders. And still, the feeling of greed is still there. I fought with it saying to myself there’s dinner with friends after class, but no, it kept on pushing. One by one, the number of people in class reduces and at that time, Ivan, Kok Han, Christy, Chiu Yein, Michelle went missing. Then Yika came in and told me she’s going off. I went in front to sit near to Cecilia and Su Wern, and then Su Wern left. I was a little suspicious, but I brushed it off. All of a sudden, Yika came in again and told me her ex-boyfriend was mad at me. Though at that time, I thought she said Ivan was mad. So I followed Yika to see that person in this particular classroom. And what do you know, I was wrong.

It was a surprise for me. Oh God, even when I write about it and remembering that time, it always brings me to tears. Yeah I misjudge them. I know I shouldn’t have but hey guys, I thought you guys were stressed out so I had to put my feelings aside. The surprise made me cried cause for once, after so many years... besides last year when I ruined the ice cream cake surprise from my parents by actually found it in the freezer and said it out loud. My bad. So yeah, after so years of no surprise, this year made my heart move and I cried. Thank you again for the surprise Michelle, Yika, Christy, Chiu Yein, Su Wern, Kok Han and Ivan!

After class, a few of us went for sushi and I had an awesome birthday day even though during the day, it was so stressing to meet the deadline. (^_^)v

What else? Oh yeah, I learned my lesson to never ask Christy, Michelle and Cecilia about that again. xD They spammed my facebook! Well, not only me, they spammed each other too! xD

Short film. The NothingBox gang produced another video. Given a theme Thriller we were made to make a short film with the theme thriller. Firstly, we made a very fast pace film that requires a lot of running and action but no, the lecturer rejected it. So we sat down again and watch some movies, anime and read a few manga to get some inspiration. Thanks to that, we got ourselves a new story and a brand new script. Filming and editing took us 3 weeks to complete the whole thing. The final result is satisfying for beginners like us. =D

Music Video. I asked a friend to help out for it. Haha! Took us about 2 weeks to complete the whole video. The song that we used is by Kris Allen and his most famous single Live Like We’re Dying. The Music Video gave us first price during Mass Comm Day. Though there are some pointers on where we should take note upon, it was a good one for NothingBox first ever complete MV. =D

What else?

Let’s talk about Matsushita Yuya. I like to watch him grow in the industry. From singing to dancing to musical play and acting, it’s awesome! As a Yume no Hoshi (Matsushita Yuya’s Eternal Stars) a name given by the fans in facebook, we try to keep up with his new releases and news on his blog, official website and myspace. =D

On the 9/4/2010, the new single ‘You’ music video is put up on youtube, myspace and fans put it up on facebook! Yuya-san’s songs contradict with my interest of J-rock music, but his songs feels different somehow.

To critic, I’m not much of a critic, but in the sense of music, Yuya-san has really grown. I mean, when you listen back to Honesty or Trust Me, the feel is different. Let’s not talk about lyrics cause I don’t really understand Japanese except a few words like ‘Ai’ which means ‘Love’. The beginning of the song sounds very forceful as in the sound is heavier and it’s like approaching someone with a plan, that kind of feeling when you’re planning something and decided to approach someone with the plan. I’m not making any sense... xD

Into the chorus...it balances with the verses. Cause it sounds more loving. ;D It’s more inviting in a way. First you’re being followed, and then you’re being pulled in... then comes the rapping part... the message of the plan. xD

The song is much more party like and well, it’s sexy too. Its heavy compared to his previous songs like Futari and Last Snow. So to give rating, I can’t cause I might be bias. =P The song is well balanced, and different. I love it. (^-^)

The full single will be release on the 5th of May 2010. Soon, Yuya-san’s first album ‘I Am Me’ album will be release too! Thus his tour will follow after that. ^^

The music video? There’s more dance moves! The camera angles are not that crazy like the music video ‘Trust Me’ (Don’t get me wrong, I really like Trust Me MV), the effects are much more, interesting in a way cause the song has a fast bet, so there’s like stop motions on some parts. 3 types of clothing... interesting setting... spot light on Yuya-san please and the dancers! =D

My God, I’m not a critic at all! xD

So yeah... my mind at the moment can only think about the new single so everything else is a blur memory. Haha... I should start updating regularly to avoid writing this long. >.<

Okayh~ I’ll log off for now. And I’ll update other stuff later. xD No promises~~

Song of the Day – You by Matsushita Yuya

People Always Say "Things Happen For A Reason."

2010-03-13T23:10:00.208+08:00

Have you ever wonder how time passes by so quickly and then one day, you notice, it slows down. It happened to me a few times, usually when I listen to music; when the earphones are stuffed into my ears and the volume almost to the max, so meaning to say I was oblivious with the things happening around that time and who say what and what they asked me, I was totally off the ground so to speak. And yeah, I've made people mad. Haha!

It has been a while! I've been blogging, not that I have not but recently I've been posting blog entries in Koffee With Kiru . It's a group blog where we INTI Mass Commers contribute interesting news that's happening around the world. Talking about blogs, I should update on Daily Doses too.

So what have I been doing for the pass month... or two? Simple, assignments. I pretty much like this 3rd semester. Though it's taking away all the precious sleeping time and consuming your social life away from you, to me, it's fun. Aside the fact I get to drink large quantity of coffee once in a while.

We got, Journalism and TV Production as the 2 major subjects for this semester, and the assignments are... torturous? Journalism we got, 5 different reviews (Done), 1 feature article (Pending) and photojournalism (Done). Which pretty much beat the sleep time out of everyone in class. But at the same time, you get to travel around taking pictures, writing about something you like and in a way, meeting new people. As for TV Production, we have, a script for live magazine show, a music video storyboard, music video and short film as assignments and group projects. The first 2 assignments are done and now we're (Nothing Box Production) are producing a music video and in a few days, we will start production on our short film and along the way, make the DetikMH video.

Today, I and a bunch of others; Su Wern, Ivan, Yika, Michelle and Christy and Mr.K went to the DetikMH workshop. DetikMH is basically a competition set by Malaysian Airlines to college/university students. It's a competition that relates to Malaysian Hospitality and using MH as a base (which is basically the code name for Malaysian Airlines and as well a coincidence acronym for Malaysian Hospitality) participants must create a short film or an animation about Malaysian Hospitality. Don't have to relate to the airline but how you interpret Malaysian Hospitality is what they are looking for. So we went to the workshop and met the judges and the other competitors. ;D

When we started talking about Malaysian Hospitalities, it made me wonder deeper into my thoughts. Sure, I have the base of my short film since a few weeks back, but the things is, it just makes you wonder. Everyday, there's some sort of kind gestures that we hardly take notice of and it's something very nice and at the same time, very forgettable. But when it comes to bad habits, it is something that is easily remembered. I partly know why these sort of things happen but I'm just as stubborn as before, refuse to let things settle. It might take a whole life time to figure out why our brain works that way; plus for a person like me who was once an art student studying about brain cells and some sort of other scientific words that make me go tongue twisted, I guess not?

So yeah, I'm pretty much aware of things that I think too much about; like the time during photojournalism rush, during outings with my friends, I kept on noticing very nice things around me and yet, I hardly found any magazine/newspaper quality images. So currently I'm really aware of MH. Just experience one awhile ago at Nadriel's house. I left my keys in my room so I was locked outside of my house; parents and brothers were out at that time so there's no one to open the door. Sad.

Yeah, I went to Nadriel's house for the meantime. And I was invited to dinner; thought I was pretty much full at that time. I was invited to join the family for dinner and dude, there's no way I could refuse the offer. It's a given, it's a tradition for Malaysian family to invite the guest to have dinner together. And while I was eating with my friend's family, my thoughts were running on a treadmill; thinking about Malaysian Hospitality and I mentally smack myself for not even thinking about these things. Kind small gestures, people hardly notice, but mistakes, everyone remembers every parts and bits of it.

Today! I went for a movie with Ivan and Su Wern. Kok Han couldn't make it due to car being 'snatched' away by his dad. Poor Kok Han. After buying the tickets, the 3 of us move towards sushi heaven! Well, not really heaven per say but hey Sushi King is nice enough of a place. There, Ivan bought 5 plates of Tamago; sweet egg on rice. Haha!

On this coming Wednesday, there's INTI Mass Communication Day. It's sounds awesome when I heard about it the first time when I was in my first semester,but it was not that interesting when I went to it last year. It was okay I supposed. So this year, the first Mass Com Day of 2010, managed by my seniors and some of my friends, it is suppose to be grand, fun and awesome. But no. Yeah i'm saying no because when the agenda of the whole function is taken over by the higher ups, and the Mass Comm Day is turned into talking day, I rather just do my session and get out of there. Right now, I'm not sure if I need to be there, because I'm suppose to sit in a discussion with one of the guests and by right, I should be there for that since the guest wants it that way or maybe the higher ups prefer more talking and less debating. Who knows what might happen when someone else takes over the original plan.

What was changed? All the performances except the welcoming dance routine and then all talk and no space to breathe. I mean, mass comm is about communicating with the mass, and that does not mean mass comm solely means we talk all day and do nothing else to convey our messages. We can tell people stories by dancing, singing, music... etc. So what gives, a handful of students pushed themselves to make the day run smoothly and interesting but then being taken over like that and change things, how do you think the students would feel? Even the lecturers who are helping the Mass Com community are frustrated. So, what now? Sit back and relax?

Well no, there are still assignments and projects that needs to be done.

To get our minds off all the worries, we went for the movie; Evangelion 2.0. It's an anime movie in cinemas! It felt like I was in Japan for a second, until I saw the exit sign Keluar. So much for the Japan feeling. I never did watch the anime series nor the first movie of Evangelion, but hey, it was awesome with lots of explosions! Haha! reminds me on of the filmmakers at the workshop who loves explosions. I sat silently in my sit while the pictures move in front of me, sounds echoing in my ears until the end of the movie. I don't really know how to describe it and I don't dare to judge since I don't know the anime series that well. It's like climax after climax and the last climax hit me. Anything is possible when it's for the person you love. Yes I am an otaku. I watch anime and read manga for my own pleasure of entertaining myself. xD

Now we have to wait for the next movie. They made teasers! And it was shown after the movie. Oh the pain of waiting for it until it releases.

Might as well now I do my assignment. I'm wasting too much time and I don't seem to care that much. *smack self for being a lazy bum* Yeah, I needed that. xD

Song of the day - Futari by Matsushita Yuya
(That reminds me! I should review on a few things! ;) )

To Go Back, It's Impossible Now

2010-02-13T23:44:00.056+08:00

Maybe this will be my little rant section. Ever since I heard the news, I've been contemplating whether I should talk about it, or just let it go. Looks like I'm not satisfied with just keeping it inside.

I want to be happy, but I can't. I was happy for a short while but, it never really made any landing on my brain. For real, to put yourself into a permanent commitment at this time, at that age? Are you nuts?! Yes I know it's your life and it's not mine, I want to be happy for you, I really do, but things are not making any sense and I can't seem to accept everything.

What happened? Why did it happened? Why result to this? Loads of questions spinning in my head, and I'm expecting answers. Maybe you'll update me soon or maybe never.

I'm still blinking in confusion, pulling my head out of frustration... why?!

You asked me this one time, when can we go back to the old times? Honestly now, I don't think we can. You made a very long disappearing act and you've changed into someone that I barely know. Maybe it's just me, I've grown out of my own old skin and look at the world differently, I look at people differently, I look at you differently. Maybe you haven't changed like you told me once, but I beg to differ.

From the last time I saw you, we have already drifted far from each other, but now, new life new commitment, we are now standing on different levels.

So yeah, I'm not happy, but I'm trying to.

You're starting a new life now, better be happy. Get rid of that stupid attitude of yours; Everything is the same Attitude. Nothing is the same you see. Keep yourself safe... take care okay. ^^

I intended to write more, but, I guess I'll just leave it.

Omedetto to my cousin. =)

A Dear Friend, Our Dear Fwen

2010-01-24T09:26:00.002+08:00

When people hear his name for the first time, some would smile and repeat his name, “Fwen?” To them it’s either a unique or simply just a weird name to give to a cat. But most wonder, why Fwen? And we wouldn’t mind taking our time by explaining to them why, “Because he’s just friendly.” He was friendly.

Have you ever felt that something was wrong but you can’t put your finger on it? You just know that something is happening or going to happen and yet you’re oblivious about the whole thing. Before I switched off the lights last night, a thought came to me as I remembered Fwen’s condition when he came home last night; trembling. I hope to God that everything would turn out alright for the little guy in the morning and I thought that I would be just nice to blame it on those people for hurting the poor little thing. But I know there’s no proof whatsoever, but I can’t help but wanting to blame someone.

I went to sleep feeling a little anxious but I brushed it away and sleep. And this morning, it hit me like a concrete; square in the face and it twisted my heart. I held my breath when I swung open my bedroom door but to only be greeted by tears that was streaming down my mother’s face. No... It’s, it’s not possible... is it? I know it happened but, you only wished it didn’t.

Fwen passed on this morning and the only things we could do were crying for his departure and a burial alongside our previous—precious—housecats. A silent prayer was said and by God’s will, we will meet you again our dear friendly Fwen.

He was born with two other siblings and one we know as Chibi. A unique cat that’s head tilted sideways since young, a meow that echo’s along his name, Fwen was no doubt a special cat in our family heart. You can never find the guts to scold him let alone hit him. Though he tends to stick his head in your hair and tried to pull your glasses off, he was still a funny cat that you can never say his name with an angry tone.

No more head-butts, no more scratching on the chairs. No more propping on the L-shaped sofa armrest, no more sleeping on big big brother’s bed. It was a life my family cherished; it was a cat that we will miss.

Fwen, we love you, no matter where you are right now. Forever always we will remember you as your friendly soul have been engraved in our hearts. I hope you passed on peacefully. All of us here will keep on remembering you as you are the address to our family blog. Mama will always think of you as you are her email address. I will remember you as you are my picture in this blog. It’s funny to say these things but it’s true. My friends loved you—we all loved you, we still do.

Thank you Fwen, for you have brightened up our lives when we were down. You we special and you’re still are. Dear sweet friendly Fwen, sleep tight and we will meet again, Insy’Allah.

Cookie, Simba, Sammy, Scrammy, To Chik, Belang, Bubu, Kit, Kat, Bubbles and all the past cats that were part of our lives, take care of this little Fwen for us. Ger Ger and Dot Dot from Nenek’s house, we will miss you too. Chico and Chibi, I still want to think that both of you are alive and survivors, so be well.

We will always, always love you all.

Goodbye, dear Fwen.

When Time Stood Still, Curiosity Kicks In

2010-01-23T23:39:00.129+08:00

Change, change, change... ouu... let’s change this! Why not I change that! Cool weyh! Let’s change our image dude! Change my mind. Change these clothes. Change, change, change...

Look! Fieqa gone crazy! haha! What's with the 'change' you ask? Well, I've completely gone out of my mind a thought that the word’ change' is very cool and I have to use it in every sentence! What....

OK, here’s the thing. Change has a good side and a bad side. Get it? OK. I guess you have. Bye!

Hehe! I'm not stopping there. Let me share you something I thought of when I was wondering around and while looking at the critical condition of the world. OK, maybe not looking at the critical condition of the world. That's a whole different story. I'm going to talk about the mammals called HUMANS.

Humans also known as People around themselves are really quite unique and you don't need me to tell you that. There's this one particular thing I'm wondering about them. Why are they afraid of changing? Now see this here, fellow! Change; it’s a word. Yes, a word; a word that somehow scare people out off their own skin. Sometimes they hate the word change too. Why? Unknown. And sometimes they like the word change that causes them to make a huha of themselves.

Here's the thing, let’s say, a band. A very awesome band that's very unique and people love them! Recently, the truth be told, the lead vocalist decided to step out of them band forever. A tragic end! No! Why?!

So, the band members decided to look for a new lead singer. And they found one! So, they recorded a new album and release it! People listen to them and commented on the... not on the song but on the new singers' voice. They say something like this....

"WTF?! She sucks! Bring ***** back!"

Or...

"F**k the new singer! She can suck my ****!!!"

Or...

"She's awful! She's more like a pop-ish singer... not for (insert bands name)"

..... Some say something like this.....

"Its not (bands name) anymore, I don't want to listen to them anymore."

Or...

"They've turn into... (Another bands name)"

..... They even blame the leader of the band.....

"I think (leaders name) has lost all his inspiration since ***** left the band."

... And some of them actually agreed on that....

I'm here not to criticize these people who suddenly don't like this particular band but I'm just curious. And yeah, curiosity kills the cat. Only, I'm just going to prove a point why things changed in the band in my point of view.

1. The lead singer left on her own free will

2. New singer has a different style

3. The leader of the band has his own reason why he chose the new singer

4. If the new singer has the same style of singer like the ex- singer, isn't that unoriginal...

5. They even say the new album is more successful than the albums before....

here's my point of view of the band new singer.... OK what?! She's amazing... at least she can sing too.... new style... new band!

OK.... next...

Let me ask you something? Do we need to change just to suit someone else? I mean, ok... let me tell you a story....

Once upon a time, Tifi was another person’s best friend. Then, somehow, things change as time comes and that person suddenly doesn't like that person. Tifi ran home and cry. After weeping for some time, she decided to change herself for the sake of being best friends with that person. She change everything... after she change everything, ok, for a while that person approve of her for some time, he used he along the way and kaboom! hahaha! She ran home weeping again. Why? Because she just realised that she was used and he told her that he never liked her. So he said... "What’s the use Tifi, you're so naive... I became your friend because I felt sorry for you... That's all."

Owh, the pain! She cried and cried. After a while, her mum came into her room and found her hanging... no laa, found her waking up with bloodshot eyes... Mum asked what happened and she told her everything... After listening to her daughter, mum shook her head and took Tifi in her arms and calms her daughter down.... and said...

"There, there... why did you change yourself? You shouldn’t. I like the old you better. I bet the old you is better than the new you. Why should you change to suit someone? Especially that boy. You know what, I think your other friends even like the old you."

Tifi gaze up at her mum and mumbles "really?"

"Yeah" mum replied.

"Ok, I'll be myself again." Tifi smiled.

"Good. Now come, let’s go downstairs and have our dinner before it gets cold." Mum got up and walked towards the open door. She stopped at the door and turn to look at her daughter... “You know, If people treating you like S**t, don't give a damn about it. Ok Hunny?"

Tifi laughed and nodded.

~the end~

the moral of the story is... referring to what mum say above. or...

if anyone remembers the Disney series Lizzie Mguire... the episode where Lizzie was trying her hardest to change to get Ethan to like her... yeah... something like that too... there's something in that particular episode....

so, that all for now... =)

*if anyone felt annoyed by this just ignore... I'm just speaking out...

....:::~[][][]~:::...

To think I wrote that 3 years ago. To start things off with a lame introduction, yeah, that was me alright.

Surprisingly the message in the post above does somehow... make sense. It’s true in away, change can be a good thing or a bad thing.

I know someone who said that she is still the same person after all those years hiding or simply just gone hibernating for a couple of years then decided to show up and surprise everyone. Haha—no, she just had some things to take care off I guess. After not seeing her for a couple of years, she said everyone around her has changed and she, herself, is still the same. What can I do but blink in confusion?

While she mumbles away with her experience in life—so far, I looked at her and blink again. What’s all these crap that she hasn’t change? Physically, it’s visible to see she has, I mean really, she has, but internally, she ought to know that she too has changed. Which part was she referring anyway? She’s not the person I used to know. Maybe because I’ve changed and all I see in her is different. I know what I’ve seen and it’s not the same thing so, tell me where have you not changed?

I’ve been thinking about the term ‘change’ for a while now. The good parts of changing are that you make room for yourself to improve and be more of yourself instead of being a clone of another person, plus you can discover new things when you’re a different person. But sometimes people tend to change for the sake of others. Why is that?

Some say for the purpose of wanting to be noticed and some say for the sake of being with that someone that in the end they are chucked away and ignored. That happens but I doubt it happens frequently. I once experienced that kind of thing and I was about to change myself when my mum slapped me (metaphorically) and asked me, “For what reason are you to change into someone you’re not?”

Huh? Isn’t that something to think about? What reason does one have to change him or herself for the sake of others? Okay, when it comes to relationships it’s a different matter so hold it. So yeah, what kind of reason do you have to change for others? Minus that if you’re being held against your will. What reason, I ask you?

You can change, but for someone as a reason to change? Will it work and can you handle the person that you’re not? You can but not for long.

But, there’s a part where you have to change for the sake of yourself. Because when you don’t change, unwanted things might happen to you. For good example, the kind of attitude that always bugs someone else. You can but for the best change to get along with everybody else. Who knows, the new you might catch a few attention. *winks*

You can change to be different; fashion sense for example. Or you can just change to make yourself happy; change to be a better person.

I know in this world there not one person who is perfect. Only God is. But still, it’s okay to change and still have flaws in you. =)

Oh yeah! In a relationship, it is best to tolerate your partner bad behaviours instead of trying to change them. ^^ Am not a relationship expert but it’s the best way that I heard; which is the best way to keep a relationship going. Unless the behaviour is threatening yourself or others or the relationship, then... ehehe... yeah, do what you think is best or consult an expert.

I am just another blogger writing her Two Cents. Don’t take my words literally. If you can interpret what I wrote then... =D

When You Open A Door, You'll...

2010-01-22T23:13:00.006+08:00

The room was dark and the sound of something rustling inside was disturbing the peaceful silence. Eyes peering inside, a hand blindly searches for the switch to give the room some light. Something flickered at the very end of the room—a spark? Curiously, stepping inside the room, a hand unconsciously raised forward to touch the flickering light. As the hand was about to reach it, the light stopped flickering. The door that the figure left was slowly closing and a faint click could be heard when the door finally shuts.

Looking around, there was nothing but total darkness. The windows in the room were hidden and only the light from the bottom of closed door was illuminating in the room. Trying not to panic, a steady breathing was exercised to keep the heart beat down. Slowly and carefully, both legs lead the slightly trembling body towards the once an open door and hurriedly, a hand reached for the handle—Locked?! Jiggling the handle of the door, begging it to open, heart beat increasing as panicked overwhelmed the whole body. Was it a trap?

A snicker was heard, jiggling stopped, total silence was regained again. Who’s there?!

Another flickering of lights appeared and this one stayed lit like a small leaf. Approaching itself closely towards the figure, a knot in the stomach tighten itself... Is this the end?!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SU WERN!!!

I know, it’s a lame storyline—am not much of a writer. I wanted to give a twist in how I start my blog so, a short story would be fine right? So yeah, happy 19TH birthday to my dear friend Su Wern! Crash tumble and fall, I braked and stopped by the roadside to see the sign (Huh?)... We shall celebrate your birthday!!!

Turning 19 will not affect you in any kind of way—sort of, maybe. You were 18 now you’re 19! Tell me if there are any differences. Ne~ Lol!

Hey hey Su Wern! This entry is made special for you! I know it’s not much and I think it’s a little late, but here goes nothing...

I’m not going to sing or anything or start mumbling nonsense like I usually do at/on college/facebook/msn... just so you know... well, I might burst some nonsense in a bit. Ehehe~

It’s nothing special about what I’m going to say here as it will be the same things I keep on telling you in your chatbox recently and the birthday message I sent you earlier today. Life as it is is never smooth and it will never start whenever we wish it to be. It will always be bumpy like the parking lot near our college. Yeah that one... I myself hate the truth about life and who doesn’t right? But, the truth about reality can be very sweet most of the times... like meeting you and us being friends. I know I can be very sarcastic-sadistic and bully people like Ivan and Kok Han—never intended to but it just happened and I regretted it every time I thought about it. So, I’m sorry if I ever hurt you (and the guys) in any kind of way.

I know I cannot promise to be always be by your side like a friend should be, but then again, I want to promise to you this... I will try my best to be there for you my dear friend. =)

All of us deserve friends to be by our side and so, don’t ever forget that we (all of us in class and your other friends and of course your family) will be there to support you. =D

Let’s hope the sunny days will enlighten our darkest hours and the rainy days will wash away all our sorrows. From time to time, give yourself a pat in the back and reassure yourself that you are stronger than the day before.

A new journey lies ahead, and so, Happy 19th birthday Su Wern! May all your wishes; no matter big or small, will come true now and in the future.

And yes! Let’s all pray for everything to be better again. For you, Kok Han... and all of us. =)

To Kok Han if you’re reading this... SMILE!!! =D *Hugs*

A song dedicated to Su Wern - 'Happy Birthday' song and Asayake by On/Off

Sorry if this post hurt you in any kind of way...~ *Preparing a long apology post*

Time Will Tell

2010-01-20T03:17:00.005+08:00

Assignments are piling up and I haven’t really started on any of it; especially journalism. But! I have a rough sketch of the layout so~ no need to worry. *Insert wide grin*

Omedetto to Su Wern for passing her driving test! Yes, now we all can drive like devils on the road. What devils?! I barely even drive around ever since college started!!! Anyway, yes! Congratulations to Su Wern for passing her driving test! See! I told you pink clouds would work! It’s better than imagining ‘them’ naked. Yeah, mum told me that when I had re-sit for my test. >///< Funny, mum. Lol~

One wish! I wished to go back in time and slap my 12-years old self and tell myself off that things are not pretty like how I used to imagine. I used to wish for that when I was in high school. The mistakes that I made that subsequently ruined a friendship that only lasted for a short while. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like he just snap and told me off... actually he somewhat did but it was more gentle and I know he didn’t mean any harm in doing so. We’re friends! We are still but separated as he’s down south in Malacca studying and I’m here studying my butt off to succeed in this line of work. I was too naive, back then. I thought whatever it is that I think of would eventually comes true and I will at last have a happy ending, more or less.

After years of dwelling with the feelings I had for him, I finally decided to close the book for one last time as I now know there is nothing to look forward to. It hurt badly back in October 2008, when I wrote a letter to him but never actually gave it to him. I was hoping after writing all the small memories I had during my crushed and burned and crushed again years, I could let him go without a slightest regret whatsoever. But it felt painful and I shed tears while I was writing the letter. However now, I’m not being a heartless person, but I managed to convince myself to actually unlock myself from the chains I was bound to in high school. I gladly accepted the fact I fell head over heels for someone at school and it never worked out as I wanted it to. Oh well, the pain you have to go through in life is unpredictable as always. Except in movies, you can actually predict what will happen in the end.

After SPM, I had a very long time to think about my life and where was I heading. Yes, I’m talking about myself so bare with it. Even when I’ve already entered college, I still think about my current situation and where I’m heading to and which detour should I take. Even in the term of feelings; why do I feel this way? What should I do about it? Am I really into it now? Or is it another obsession? Or do I just admire him? Strange how I put it that way. But seriously, which stage am I at now?

Certainly I’m not in love because ‘love’ itself is too big of a word to use. Is it like, crush or admire? Aren't those 3 words similar? Well, in my case, I say crush is somewhat near the borderline of obsession. Like is when you know that person and you’re really fond of them and want to be closer to them. Admire is when you look up to the person and you want to be just like them. Well, not really like them but somewhat like them.

So yeah, I realised after a while, I'm having too many people that I’m admiring. I know I have a huge crush on Torapon, but that’s different. You see, I have some complication in understand my own feelings. Isn’t everyone? Well yeah, but... never mind. I know right now I’m pretty much, slightly, maybe, might be... could be, in denial.

Ahem... so, what should I do? I don’t know. And I’ve been telling myself to focus on my studies when my mind only knows how to drift off to a different island and sits there day dreaming. I actually told a friend that I’m giving up on love and she went berserk! ^^; Only for a while my dear friend, not for life. XD

So, yeah, I’ve been meaning to share this post with people. But I’m not sure if people are reading this blog. Oh well. ^^

<< In the last post, I wrote about taking pictures of the solar eclipse, so here's the picture. It’s nothing much but this is the best I could do that time. Plus the weather was not on my side. ^^
*click the picture to enlarge*

Song of the day - Live Like We're Dying by Kris Allen